A blog about a girl who speaks her mind and talks about whatever she wants. So its a blog about everything, and absolutely nothing, all at the same time. . .
5.30.2004
5.29.2004
Late Night Musings
I really feel the need to pull a late nighter tonight. Just doing odds and ends and just goofing around. . .
I have to do another to do list too. I'l refrain from posting it. That surely must get old after a while.
My Live Journal is driving me nuts. Everytime i try to do something, I get a 'Page not available' message and have to refresh it to do anything, and therefore am constantly losing comments and postings and whatever else. I give up.
I have to do another to do list too. I'l refrain from posting it. That surely must get old after a while.
My Live Journal is driving me nuts. Everytime i try to do something, I get a 'Page not available' message and have to refresh it to do anything, and therefore am constantly losing comments and postings and whatever else. I give up.
5.28.2004
It's A Mad World
Just found out that Gary Jules is coming to Spokane in a couple of weeks, and tickets are ten dollars.
I think I found something affordable that I would like to attend. He blew me away with his rendition of Mad World. I'd like to see how the rest of his music compares.
In other news, have been in the thinking mood again as of late. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but really, when it comes to me nothing is really ever a good thing.
Most of it has to do with religion though. See, I was brought up believing in a particular religion and in a lot of ways it makes sense to me. But in other ways I am constantly finding myself questioning a lot about it. I usually kind of keep this buried deep inside of me, I don't want to dwell on it because of a lot of factors.
I guess I've been in denial that I'm in denial for about five or six years now. Ever since I was about seventeen. That's probably when I first really started to get depressed, and I mean seriously depressed. I don't know if there is any corolation (sp?) between my eternal questioning and my faith. I mean, really, something that has always bugged me is that no matter what, if you don't believe in a here after, what do you look forward too? Just disappearing so that in a hundred years after you die, your just another forgotten name in the eternal database of humanity? That used to terrify me, the thought that after all this is over with, I would just disappear and cease to exist.
I want to believe in something greater then myself. I mean, a lot of things are greater then myself, but I truly want to believe in something greater then us all, that all omniscient being called God. I have a lot of issues sometimes when trying to decide if there is actually a God, but I guess I've believed in God for a lot of reasons, one of the main reasons is it brings me some kind of comfort knowing that perhaps, maybe, this isn't all there is to it. I guess that's just one of the things that kept me chugging along.
That, and the fear that if there is an afterlife, I just blew it.
I think I found something affordable that I would like to attend. He blew me away with his rendition of Mad World. I'd like to see how the rest of his music compares.
In other news, have been in the thinking mood again as of late. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but really, when it comes to me nothing is really ever a good thing.
Most of it has to do with religion though. See, I was brought up believing in a particular religion and in a lot of ways it makes sense to me. But in other ways I am constantly finding myself questioning a lot about it. I usually kind of keep this buried deep inside of me, I don't want to dwell on it because of a lot of factors.
I guess I've been in denial that I'm in denial for about five or six years now. Ever since I was about seventeen. That's probably when I first really started to get depressed, and I mean seriously depressed. I don't know if there is any corolation (sp?) between my eternal questioning and my faith. I mean, really, something that has always bugged me is that no matter what, if you don't believe in a here after, what do you look forward too? Just disappearing so that in a hundred years after you die, your just another forgotten name in the eternal database of humanity? That used to terrify me, the thought that after all this is over with, I would just disappear and cease to exist.
I want to believe in something greater then myself. I mean, a lot of things are greater then myself, but I truly want to believe in something greater then us all, that all omniscient being called God. I have a lot of issues sometimes when trying to decide if there is actually a God, but I guess I've believed in God for a lot of reasons, one of the main reasons is it brings me some kind of comfort knowing that perhaps, maybe, this isn't all there is to it. I guess that's just one of the things that kept me chugging along.
That, and the fear that if there is an afterlife, I just blew it.
5.27.2004
Evil Conservative Things
I have no desire to see The Day After Tomorrow, but now I have a reason too. I'm going to print out flyers and give them out to unsuspecting people.
Thoughts
My life is kind of drum dum right now. Not much going on other then work and then i lounge about the house for the rest of the day in an attempt to not spend any more money.
what should I honestly do with myself?
what should I honestly do with myself?
5.25.2004
An Oath To Live By
I, Risawn, hereby promise to discourage anyone to view, think or talk about Anime and its cheap traits except when insulting it. I will help tell others about this website so they too can see the hate behind Anime. I hate Anime, and Anime hates me. I will be mocked, but I will fight back. Together, we will stand strong.
Um, added a link to the side. Because I hate anime. I always have, ever since I was little. Something about how their mouths move just really irks me and always have. . .
Elf Only Inn rocks.
Um, added a link to the side. Because I hate anime. I always have, ever since I was little. Something about how their mouths move just really irks me and always have. . .
Elf Only Inn rocks.
Politics Makes Me VERY ANGRY!!!
I've noticed that when I get politically active, I only become angry. When I just kind of go with the flow, I'm just, you know, chillen'.
I find it important to keep up to date with current affairs around the world, but if it makes me angry, why do I make it a point to understand these?
Sounds like a double edged sword to me.
I find it important to keep up to date with current affairs around the world, but if it makes me angry, why do I make it a point to understand these?
Sounds like a double edged sword to me.
5.24.2004
Book Collection Type Thingees
I have a small, slight obsession.
I like to collect books. Lately, after my small collection frenzy with trying to get all of the Death Gate Cycle in hardback (I have momentarily given up on this endeavor, only because I got two books that were the wrong size, but I'll get them again eventually).
My current collecting frenzy? Sluggy Freelance books. Becuase its such a hella long comic, I prefer to read them via book vs internet, and so far have found five of the eight books. But I don't know how long I'll be going about this. I lucked out and got book one off the website for the list price and easily got books seven and eight. The one's in the middle, er, this is going to be a bit harder. I guess i'll just have to wait until Plan Nine republishes them again. *waits*
I like to collect books. Lately, after my small collection frenzy with trying to get all of the Death Gate Cycle in hardback (I have momentarily given up on this endeavor, only because I got two books that were the wrong size, but I'll get them again eventually).
My current collecting frenzy? Sluggy Freelance books. Becuase its such a hella long comic, I prefer to read them via book vs internet, and so far have found five of the eight books. But I don't know how long I'll be going about this. I lucked out and got book one off the website for the list price and easily got books seven and eight. The one's in the middle, er, this is going to be a bit harder. I guess i'll just have to wait until Plan Nine republishes them again. *waits*
5.23.2004
5.22.2004
Yes, This is What This Blog is Named For. . .
I've got a downer coming, I can feel it now. I haven't had a real downer in a while, strange to think its my own actions that generally cause these downers, if there is any reason whatsoever to it. Sometimes, more often then not, I don't have a reason to be down.
Does there have to be a reason? Does it just come without invitation? I can't predict what my mood will be tomorrow. They say you're supposed to choose your attitude, that its all your own doing.
How can you choose your attitude when you can't control it?
Why am I such a bitch all the time?
I haven't had a serious downer since last october. Probably the most serious case all year last year. I need to kick my ass into gear and just find a way to get over it.
Does there have to be a reason? Does it just come without invitation? I can't predict what my mood will be tomorrow. They say you're supposed to choose your attitude, that its all your own doing.
How can you choose your attitude when you can't control it?
Why am I such a bitch all the time?
I haven't had a serious downer since last october. Probably the most serious case all year last year. I need to kick my ass into gear and just find a way to get over it.
Off My Chest
Well, back from Seattle. Got a couple of things checked off my list, however must admit that I'm getting a little frustrated by some things. I actually loved Seattle, but loved in the same way that I love San Francisco. It's a cool city to visit from time to time, but never in a million years would I actually want to exist there on a continual basis.
I also learned that I am incompatable with some people. Which is kind of odd to say that now after I've known this specific person for over four years.
I also noted that somebody actually commented on one of my entries below, and I'm fearful of reading the comment on account that my BiPolar was speaking the day I posted that and I haven't had an opportunity of sending that particular post into the nonexistence of the anti archive.
edit - i broke down and read it anyway. It's just Bob. How you doing, Bob?
I did create a blog for my political outpouring, by the way, so I would stop stooping into my promise to not post anything political and posting political thoughts here that could be potentially offensive.
No, you don't get a URL, because the point of me posting there is its anonymous. And I doubt it will ever be anything big.
I also learned that I am incompatable with some people. Which is kind of odd to say that now after I've known this specific person for over four years.
I also noted that somebody actually commented on one of my entries below, and I'm fearful of reading the comment on account that my BiPolar was speaking the day I posted that and I haven't had an opportunity of sending that particular post into the nonexistence of the anti archive.
edit - i broke down and read it anyway. It's just Bob. How you doing, Bob?
I did create a blog for my political outpouring, by the way, so I would stop stooping into my promise to not post anything political and posting political thoughts here that could be potentially offensive.
No, you don't get a URL, because the point of me posting there is its anonymous. And I doubt it will ever be anything big.
5.07.2004
Plink Plink!
Went Plinking today. is always fun, and if you know what you're doing and not going in the middle of the night, its relatively safe too.
We tried to get an early start, but I ended up getting us lost at one point. Well, not technically lost, just kind of not in the direction we wanted to go.
Anyway, picked up some targets at Ace Hardware, they had peeps for free, so we set them up and shot at them. Fun stuff. I think I'm going to work on getting my Paint Ball gun working, I think I would have a lot of fun doing that.
Anyway, the pictures. . . I'm a sucker for photo evidence!
This is a 270 hunting rifle, and gives quite a kick. I'm amazed on how acurate it is, I don't think I ever shot it before but we pelted the targets and it showed. This thing goes through a quarter inch of steel as if it was pancake batter.
This is Emmet. Emmet is mine. I had to get the hang of loading the magazine, I kept screwing it up and cramming it to far in and jamming it. Emmet is surprisingly accurate, I'm happy that emmet is mine.
Another shot of me and Emmet, in the prone. Prone is fun. I need to work on my grip though, I was starting to get a little wobbly.
That is a very small gun. And I'm not a very good shot at it either.
I don't know why I decided to wear a cowboy hat, I just did. My Brother just bought this little bad boy, a 357 revolver, it gives quite a kick and I'm impressed that I actually hit the targets a couple of times.
This was one of our targets.
If you can't tell, I am an advocate of the 2nd amendment.
We tried to get an early start, but I ended up getting us lost at one point. Well, not technically lost, just kind of not in the direction we wanted to go.
Anyway, picked up some targets at Ace Hardware, they had peeps for free, so we set them up and shot at them. Fun stuff. I think I'm going to work on getting my Paint Ball gun working, I think I would have a lot of fun doing that.
Anyway, the pictures. . . I'm a sucker for photo evidence!
This is a 270 hunting rifle, and gives quite a kick. I'm amazed on how acurate it is, I don't think I ever shot it before but we pelted the targets and it showed. This thing goes through a quarter inch of steel as if it was pancake batter.
This is Emmet. Emmet is mine. I had to get the hang of loading the magazine, I kept screwing it up and cramming it to far in and jamming it. Emmet is surprisingly accurate, I'm happy that emmet is mine.
Another shot of me and Emmet, in the prone. Prone is fun. I need to work on my grip though, I was starting to get a little wobbly.
That is a very small gun. And I'm not a very good shot at it either.
I don't know why I decided to wear a cowboy hat, I just did. My Brother just bought this little bad boy, a 357 revolver, it gives quite a kick and I'm impressed that I actually hit the targets a couple of times.
This was one of our targets.
If you can't tell, I am an advocate of the 2nd amendment.
5.04.2004
Bloomsday
Bloomsday Pictures are in. And I'm still in pain. I need to go out and jog and loosen my muscles up, if they would let me.
5.01.2004
Running Tomorrow
Running Bloomsday tomorrow. Somehow got into orange group and everyone I know is running green. *sighs*
I will be hurting monday.
I will be hurting monday.
11.19.2003
Fifteen Minutes
Well, I guess i could go into detail of the course of the last four days, but I rather would not. Let's just say that on Monday I went from "oh, everything is nice and wonderful," to "I'm a demonic bitch who now wants to kill somebody really bad!"
Last four days sucked. Mucho sucko.
Meanwhile, Kind of going through several affairs, getting my life in order for what could be the last time I set foot on american soil for a year, I did one of several things. I 'hid' my LJ journal entries. You may also take note that this blog has no archives. I did that on purpose.
The reason? Well, under the extremely unlikely event that something were to happen to me while I was over seas that would bring me instant and unwanted fame, I wouldn't want people to find things on me online that I have written. So I've been in the process of deleting things, or rather 'hiding' them from public eye. If you were to look on my LJ, you may note that there are only a handful of entries that are currently residing there as of now. I don't know why I left the ones i did, i just did.
Oh, and here's a first. Instead of the usual 'reese witherspoon' comment, today I recieved 'you look like Jessica Lynch,' which is a first. Actually, somebody mentioned before that while she was missing, when they saw her, they thought she looked a little like me, but that was when she had just been rescued. I hope that doesn't continue.
Last four days sucked. Mucho sucko.
Meanwhile, Kind of going through several affairs, getting my life in order for what could be the last time I set foot on american soil for a year, I did one of several things. I 'hid' my LJ journal entries. You may also take note that this blog has no archives. I did that on purpose.
The reason? Well, under the extremely unlikely event that something were to happen to me while I was over seas that would bring me instant and unwanted fame, I wouldn't want people to find things on me online that I have written. So I've been in the process of deleting things, or rather 'hiding' them from public eye. If you were to look on my LJ, you may note that there are only a handful of entries that are currently residing there as of now. I don't know why I left the ones i did, i just did.
Oh, and here's a first. Instead of the usual 'reese witherspoon' comment, today I recieved 'you look like Jessica Lynch,' which is a first. Actually, somebody mentioned before that while she was missing, when they saw her, they thought she looked a little like me, but that was when she had just been rescued. I hope that doesn't continue.
6.23.2003
6.21.2003
To Do List
I got a lot of things to do. My presence on the interent will be minimal. However, now i have an easy way to check up on my dozen or so current comics that I read.
Call Soldier- Well that was easy
Finish Packing room
Figure out what's wrong with YACCS
- Cover Three Canvases with paint
Buy Harry Potter Five
Read Harry Potter Five
Put Together AGR Packet
Get HIV Test- interesting story behind this too.
Write Memo for Active Duty- Never Mind
Fine Tune Current Comic
- Get next dozen or so Comics done so there is something on when I head to San Antonio
Get back Watercolors From Karen- YAY!!!
Take Egon Schiele Books back
Prep Art for Storage (or find a place to hang it)
get prepared for art show at Far West
Hound the army to get my pay right
Get room Ready to paint
Paint Room
- Pack Clothes
- to be added too
I got a lot of things to do. My presence on the interent will be minimal. However, now i have an easy way to check up on my dozen or so current comics that I read.
6.20.2003
I will explain myself one of these days. Today is just not my day.
EDIT - So, what was with me doing these random posts where I held cryptic messages thinking that my readers could read my thoughts? Hmm, I'm not exactly sure myself, but at this time, I moved my main blog, which turned into an EMO writing center, and just started a blog off fresh. This was my blog telling the world that I was starting over again. However, if you were new to the blog, you wouldn't have known this.
EDIT - So, what was with me doing these random posts where I held cryptic messages thinking that my readers could read my thoughts? Hmm, I'm not exactly sure myself, but at this time, I moved my main blog, which turned into an EMO writing center, and just started a blog off fresh. This was my blog telling the world that I was starting over again. However, if you were new to the blog, you wouldn't have known this.
6.12.2003
yesterday, I was practically eaten alive, and I have several massive welts all over my body (covered by many bandaids to prevent me from scratching) to prove it.
In other news, I officially killed my niece Jessica's love of horses by losing patience with her yesterday. I don't think I'll be a good teacher.
Oh, and I found a tick in my hair after hiking around Riverside State Park, which prompted me to run to the bathroom and order both of my nieces to strip after our brief excusion into the wilderness, to make sure they had no ticks on them. None was found. Whew.
Oh, and I lack any and all common sense. Just thought I would reaffirm that. For some reason, I have found myself in a funk and reluctant to do anything, including a homework assignment in Watercolor (my last class, considering I've completely shammed on Pre Cal, considering I won't be going to Western now.)
Life sucks. I'm having withdrawel issues and I have successful withdrawn from internet social life as well, er, except for my webcomic that nobody I know reads but that's ok.
I would go into detail but I'd rather not. Meanwhile, this site might be getting a complete makeover here shortly, and then I'll likely abandon it for a good three or four months when my computer gets packed away for who knows how long. Oh bliss.
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