Stuffs Unrelated

Just when I think the snow has all melted, it's snowing again.  Bleh.

I don't mind if it would stick around for a bit, I kind of like it when it dumps two feet on the ground and everything is bathed in white.  It's kind of pretty.  I just don't want to go anywhere when this happens. 

Dexter, the television series, is fantastic.  So fantastic that I'm going to use my amazon associates account to promote it for once.  Although right now the first and second season are available on Netflix (or were the last time I checked).  Something about a serial killer that only kills bad people, and just his entire psychosis and how he thinks, the show is brilliant. 

I'm working on getting a photography business up and running, I'll do joint stuff with my sisters when it comes to weddings, because my crazy life often times doesn't allow for it, but I took family pictures for one friend and am slowly learning what works and what doesn't.  i've created a blog, but haven't posted to it yet, and I think my website will be revamped eventually to go in this more commercial direction.  blog is Risawn Studios, I'm going to spend the rest of this month getting up and running, and then next month I'm going to actually work at making a few bucks from it.  It will highlight both Art and Photography, but I'll most likely show off my photography more, because  it's more commercial and can make more money.  But I'm not giving up on my art just yet. 

I have the best hubby in the world.  I feel quite blessed to have found the perfect guy for me.  I don't know how he puts up with me. 

Snowmobiling = lot's of fun.  But it is an expensive motor sport to get into, and I still haven't quite developed a knack for it.  I like to turn my snowmobile over when trying to turn on a hill, and I can see if I am not to careful, this sport may just end up killing me.

Why is it taking my two cats to the vet is more expensive then taking my three horses?  I would think by size that a 10 pound animal should be cheaper then a half ton animal.  But cats will be vaccinated for rabies, I am not going to go through that question again. 

I am actually learning how to cook.  I've made a few meals from scratch already.  Anybody who knows me knows that any development of my domestic skills is a huge accomplishment.  I now need to work on maintaining the house. 

That's all for now.

A Matter of Contention

There appears to be two kinds of people in this world. There are those who would never use a gun to kill a cat that mauled someone, and those who damn right would. I have also come to discover that the first groups appears to be very intolerant of the second group. It seems to me that they would consider this cruel and inhumane and would seek other methods to deal with the cat short of shooting it. When others from the latter group band together in unison to call for the death of the face mauler, those from the first group are quick to get appalled.

What is the difference between using a bullet to shoot a house cat (and not just any ordinary housecat, but one with a record of violence towards people) and using a bullet to shoot a deer or some other game animal? This is perfectly legal, though i'm not sure if cats are ever in season and if they are even legal to shoot in some jurisdictions.

So the cat hasn't been seen. This can be both good and bad news, good that the said kitty may be far away and if I never see him again, I'm perfectly content with that. Bad in that if it was rabies (highly unlikely, btw) what is the chances of something else coming across the kitty's rotting carcass and injesting the rabies virus itself? Then before you know it, full out rabies outbreak, minus myself of course, I'm vaccinated.

Anyway, back to the original topic of conversation, the question of the type of people who think that others who call for violence towards aggressive cats are apparently intolerable. I state things about politics from time to time, that doesn't seem to bother these people, but a call to death by .22 toward the face mauling psycho cat seems to cause all sorts of reactions, so much that one of my friends (a quite liberal friend in fact, who I've had debates with in the past on matters of political discourse in a friendly matter) defriended me over it. You can get a lot of people's hearts pounding over this topic. But what got my gile was the fact that people seem to want to understand the motives for dangerous animals. When a cat lunges at a person's face and leaves them permanantly scarred (yep, that's going to leave a mark), what do you propose you do with such an animal?

If it stays gone, good. I don't have to deal with it. But if it comes back here, seeing as the cat trap worked so fabulously well, I think I'll grab the 10-22, sit outside and observe the kitty's behavior. Any sign of that former aggresion it showed to me before, kitty is going to be a bullet catcher. If he turns and darts off, well, no harm there, if he doesn't let people get close to him, then I've got no problem with him. If he comes to me and shows signs of the former sane kitty, I might actually let him live.

But apparently, according to one 'friend' on the internets, (term used loosely, I barely know this person) I should have caught him in a cat trap, and because I have decided not to keep my other two sane cats locked in the tack room until the cat shows up again, (which, btw, may be never) that I shouldn't have any cats. Brilliant. My cats do have a job, they aren't just there for my amusement. Furthermore, believe it or not, I'm more of a cat person and actually am quite fond of my sane cats. I can differentiate sane from insane, unfortunately, my fondness is not unconditional.

That being said, i have discovered that along with politics and religion, animal rights can cause tempers to flare, and so if you are all for gunning a cat down that attacked you, to save some friendships you might want to keep that info to yourself.

Or do tell, and see the tempers flare. It can cause some interesting debates!

Update On Cat Fiasco

So, I've had some calls for some updates on my status in regards to the potentially rabid kitty and likely my health.

Well, good news and bad news.

bad news? I may have seen Justin the potentially rabid cat a week ago, but it was to dark to make a positive identification and the mysterious cat sort of disappeared. And because cat could not be identified, they had to take precautionary measures and so now I have been vaccinated for Rabies.

Good News? Rabies vaccines are not as painful as they were before. I got three shots of Immuno Globulin in my thighs and arm and the rabies vaccine in my other arm, and then I have to go back three more times to get the rabies vaccine once more. I've gone back twice now, next monday and I will be completely vaccinated for Rabies for a year. So if I can handle potentially rabid animals with less of a risk to my health then other people. Will I? Well, I still want to avoid animals frothing at the mouth that can potentially attack me, but it is nice to have that extra safety precaution.

Also, my other two barn cats, the sane ones, have now been fully vaccinated. The vet complimented them on how well they behaved, especially considering they are barn cats, saying that they were better then a lot of other housecats that come through. I then learned that for a couple free barn cats, they are expensive in their own way. So no more free cats for me.

I'm still keeping an eye out for Justin, but I got sick of locking the cats in the tack room where they were just crapping wherever. I was hoping that perhaps they would learn to stay out of the cat trap but I have found Tim more then once eating the tuna I was using to catch the other cat. The last time he was stretched out on his back calmly waiting for me to open the door. He knows I'll let him out eventually. Crazy cat.

If I ever do catch Justin, or see him again, I don't know what I'm going to do with him. If he's still alive, he definitely does not have rabies, but if he just stays out of my way and doesn't attack people, whatever. Kind of sad, somebody was suggesting he could have been abused and reacted out of fear, which frustrates me.

If Justin ever does come back, I'll be sure to let you all know. My guess I'll see him after my rabies series is complete.

To Kill or Not to Kill

That is the question in regards to pet overpopulation.

I have been in the market for a dog for a few weeks now, and going to the pound I see all of the cats looking for a home of their own. Before I had my horse fascination, I was a cat person through and through. I loved cats, I had a cat that put up with me named Kaita as a kid that I absolutely adored. She was an outside mouser, and she was a good one. Seeing as I was such an enormous animal lover, when it was time for Kaita to be put down, my parents were worried I wouldn't be able to handle it. I went through a very severe depression at nine years old when our dog Brandy got hit by a truck. I think it was my first real encounter with death.

Eventually I got older and more mature, and although I consider myself still an animal lover, I've become a little more practical about my love of furry creatures. Right now I have three chickens, three horses, and three (sort of) cats. I want to get a dog, which I mentioned earlier, but that is for another post. This post is about my current assortment of critters.

I'm still a bit of a cat person I admit, but I have a few specifications for any kitty that wants to consider me their person. One, they are strictly outdoor barn cats. due to family allergies, and the hair issue, i just discovered that I don't do indoor cats. Two, they can't be insane. I know, I know, I'm talking about cats here. By their nature cats are insane. And after tonight, I would be inclined to agree with this assessment.

This is Tim, trying to help me sell my truck

What I mean about a cat being sane, is that it serves its purpose by catching mice (because having a barn, cats are a necessity) and being somewhat friendly to their humans. My two cats, Tim and Bob, by and large fall under this description. Yes, Tim doesn't like to be held for long periods, he mostly likes a quick scratch behind the ears, once you understand that Tim isn't a cuddly holding type cat, then you'll do just fine with him. He is overall approachable, a little shy with strangers, and just comes up for a quick pet and perhaps a chance to come inside (which he is promptly shooed back out).

Bob, when he was more of a kitten and less of a fat cat
Bob, the resident furball, is a fluffy fat kitten that is quickly approaching cat size. He has instapurr mode and is quite content with being in your lap. Of course, he's a cat, and therefore content to be independent as well, but he definitely still has a kitten mode and his favorite game is to torment Tim. I call him Bob because of his tufted ears that remind me of a bob cat.


The coolest picture of Stewie that I possess
Stewie was a cat that originally came with Tim. She was quite a love of a cat too, but when Bob was introduced, she made her displeasure known and then disappeared for a few days, reappeared, disappeared again, and did this game for a few weeks before she disappeared altogether. I haven't seen her since about September. She either got eaten, or found a new home.


I should have known, Justin acted cute, but he certainly has an evil eye here
A few weeks ago, I met Justin while hauling a horse for a girl. He was super friendly, i reached down and gave him a pat and he looked like all he wanted was a little love. I picked him up and he was just content to purr in my arms. The lady who owned him asked me 'do you want him?' Apparently, he was a barn cat with two full sisters, and being barn cats, they have a tendency to not get fixed. To prevent inbreeding, I went ahead and took him home. He was just as calm as he could be in the car, purring and perched on the back seat. He really did like people.

Of course, being the new cat, Bob and Tim appeared to have other ideas, and the cats didn't seem to get along at first. Justin liked people alright, but he didn't like the other cats. He stuck around for about four days, and then one day I didn't see him anymore. I was disappointed, he was a cool looking and quite lovable barn cat. But I guess two male barn cats was to much, and Stewie got chased away by the other two (I think Bob and Tim are gay.)

Did I mention cats are insane? Well, they are.

The last few nights I've been hearing a cat meowing, a really strange meow. I thought it might be Justin, but I wasn't so sure. Then this afternoon, I see him out in the yard, he looks nice and fluffy and fat, and it is unmistakeably him. I call for him, he looks a little skittish and fluffs his back, goes under the car. That seems odd, he came right up to you before, so I call to him again, seeing if he'll come. He doesn't.

I go feed the horses and come back and find him now under the horse trailer, meowing his strange meow. I have a piece of bailing twine, thinking I just need to calm him down and let him feel nice and at ease again. I call for him and try to use the bailing twine to get him to come out (it certainly worked with Bob when he first arrived) Justin just hides behind the tire of the trailer and meows at me, I'm about three feet from him, trying to get him to come toward me when before I know it, he lunges at me. All fur and claws and teeth, and tears me a new one.

My first instinct is to kill the cat. This is why.


About ten minutes after my encounter with Justin

I actually posted this picture on Facebook (I am a facebook junkie, the website is evil) with the caption: "Remember Justin, the 'huggable' barn cat I told you about? Well, he's got a bounty on his head, which will have a .22 round through it. And the carcass will be taken to animal control and tested for rabies. How quickly can a cat go feral?"

I got quite a few comments, most of which were in league with me saying 'Yes, Kill it!' because let's be realistic. Would you keep a cat that did this to your face? Of course, I had several people commenting 'what are you doing, go to the doctor NOW' (and yes, I did, four stitches and ten days of antibiotics coupled with a tetanus shot and they don't like to stitch cat bites because of infections).

But then one commenter, a friend of a friend, seemed horrified by the prospect of everyone gunning for this poor cat's life. Others were suggesting perhaps a more humane way to go is to have it euthanized, while Animal Control straight up told me to trap it and bring it in so they could quarantine it for ten days. Back to the cruel inhumane treatment of threatening to shoot a cat, hell, I had my .22 locked and loaded but alas, the cat ran into the neighbor's property and it was getting dark. Yes, my first thought was vengeance, on cat, shoot it and have it's brain tested for rabies. Because how this cat acted now versus how it acted when I first brought it home, it was like two totally different cats! One that was all 'give me love!' and the other all 'murder death destroy!'

Let's face facts here, whether it's by lethal injection or lead injection, this cat is most likely going to meet its fate on hell's side of the rainbow bridge. I am an animal lover, but the last thing we need is to waste time on a cat that acts like a lunatic. People were trying to make excuses for this beast, 'oh, why do you have to immediately resort to killing it?' kind of mentality, that all we have to do is understand the cat's motives and then come to an understanding.

Here's my understanding, cat. You're a barn cat, your job is to eat mice. I will provide a little extra food for you so if mousing is limited, you have something to eat. You have a barn you can make yourself at home in. All I ask, is that you don't go apeshit insane and attack me. I have no use for a cat that attacks me and forces me to get stitches and antibiotics for a catbite. Most cats, if they didn't want to be messed with, would have ran off. Not sit there meowing at me before lunging with tooth and claw. I have no use for crazy cats, there are thousands of other nice sensible cats that want a loving home, I am not going to steal the chance at one of them getting a place to live to rehome this cat, I'm not going to even bother wasting another person's time. Once a cat does something like this, they are done. Would you trust a cat that did this with your kids? What are the cat's motives? Does a cat even need a motive to be crazy? Or is it sick? Even better reason to put it down with a bullet.

I usually like cats, a lot. I really love having a cuddly cat in my arms that will let me pet and love on it as they purr in contentment. Bob (and Stewie) are like this, and Justin used to be. Well, not anymore. Crazy cat is going down!

My goal is still to catch the feline and hand it over to animal control, unless they charge me for turning the cat in, which is when I'll take matters into my own hands and make sure it doesn't get the opportunity to lash out at another human being. Which brings me to another question. exactly how long does it take to turn an extremely friendly cat into a feral nutcase?

Whatever, tuna in the live trap, let's hope that I can catch a cat.

A Note About Commenting

I like to encourage people to comment on my blog, whether they disagree with me or not, because it makes me feel good that somebody at least cares enough about what I have to say to leave a short message to me about it.



That said, PLEASE don't choose the option of Anonymous when commenting on my blog. It is annoying. Call yourself something, ANYTHING but Anonymous. You can choose the name/url option and put anything there that you want, you don't even have to put in a URL. Because I like to encourage commenting and don't want people to feel pressured into having to register for something to leave a comment. Unfortunately, allowing that option also allows for people to choose to click Anonymous. Please do me a favor and just use the Basic Name Option. If people keep choosing to use Anonymous, I'll just force everyone to register.

Bleh!

Arizona Shootings, Some Good News from this Tragedy

So some good news in all of this discourse about who is to blame for the tragedy that occurred in Arizona this last weekend. First, that it appears that Representative Giffords will survive and I wish her a full recovery and pray for the best.

Secondly, it appears that the narrative of 'blame Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, the tea baggers and all of this negative rhetoric about bulls eyes and cross hairs for causing this' is starting to fall apart. It's coming out that Jared Loughner is a lunatic. He's a crazy that did it on his own, and my first thought when reading up on his description is this guy was an anarchist nutjob.

Meanwhile, as the smear campaign (thankfully) falls apart, we are getting commentary on it from Mark Halperin on Morning Joe, which makes you go, huh?

"I just want to single out one thing. I think the media and the politicians have behaved pretty well so far. I'm worried about the anger of the right-wing commentariat," Halperin said. "Fox and George Will and other conservatives are in some cases justifiably upset at liberals, but they’re turning this back into the standard operating procedure of 'all this is war and fodder for content' rather than trying to bring the country together."

"Wait a second," Scarborough responded. "I think they would say that you have that backwards, that a shooting was turned into fodder to attack conservatives."

Halperin: "And, I already made that criticism, as well. they're right, but rather than seizing on it and turning the other cheek, they're back at their war stations. that’s not going to help us."

Really? Really? So you are suggesting when you get smeared, you just stay quiet, bend over and take it? Now that the facts are coming out this is really starting to bite those on the ass who were driving it, isn't it? And I hope it does. This was pure exploitation of a national tragedy by those on the left by politicizing it to demonize conservatives like Sarah Palin and the Tea Party. And the fact that the narrative was driven by so many in the media and on the left appalled me. And people wonder why I don't bother watching TV anymore. I don't trust a single word any of those asshats have to say.

My favorite line is from the comments at Hot Air.

'Hey, why did Obama insist he was born in Hawaii when all those birthers said he wasn't?'

The Latest Attack on Free Speech

When somebody uses imagery, many times it is figuritive wouldn't you say? It helps paint a picture by using metaphores and symbolism to help drive a message you want to bring out. Imagery has been used for centuries.

So apparently, Sarah Palin used crosshairs on several different states during the 2010 election. Anybody with half a brain would understand what was going on here. Because she put certain districts in crosshairs, did she really mean for people to take up arms and shoot up these districts? Um, no, I think it's quite clear what she was saying. She was suggesting that those districts specifically should be targeted by a strong Republican Challenger because they are held by Democrats who voted for the healthcare bill in traditionally conservative states and therefore a good possibility that if they played their cards right (oh look, another analogy!) they could win these districts

Now obviously this isn't the case, as Giffords won reelection. From what I understand she was a moderate democrat that voted for the Healthcare Bill but also voted against Pelosi (who is an idiot I must say, or a crafty woman who has no care what the citizens of this country think and has the mentality that she knows better then anyone) as Minority Leader.

First and foremost, what happened was a great tragedy, what appears to be a lone gunman shot into a crowd of innocent bystanders and took the lives of six people and wounded dozens more. He alone is responsible for his actions, he's the one that made the decision to take a gun to a public place and open fire on a woman who he disagreed with. There is nobody to blame here but this man and any possible accomplices to this murder he may have had.

What really bothers me the most about this was how quickly people were jumping to conclusions on the matter. Palin used crosshairs so she was inciting violence and now she is to blame. Don't be ridiculous, crosshairs in political imagery has been used countless times before, by both sides of the aisle. Democrats and Republicans both do it, how about this map, which I was shown originally by a commentator about this topic that was actually used by the Democrats in 2004?

I don't know, that looks pretty inciteful to me! What's more, they actually use the term 'behind enemy lines' to target states that went to Bush.

You know, I think myself and people like me can probably figure out for ourselves that the democrats didn't mean to incite actual violence in those states. Those are contested states, and any lame brain can probably figure that out.

Of course, go to any website featuring this story prominantly and Sarah Palin's alleged connection to it and you can see the insanity as people are quick to blame somebody, ANYBODY, especially if it is politically convenient, except for the actual person who did the shooting. People, the only person to blame is Jared Loughner. They list a series of acts of violence towards people who supported the health care bill and link it to Sarah Palin. You know what? I bet, if you are in public office, death threats are actually pretty common. Take a quick look, there are over 300 million people in the United States, a good majority of them are good decent hard working people. And then there are some that are a little loose in the head. You take an unpopular bit of legislation like the Healthcare Bill and I wouldn't think it uncommon after any unpopular act that some politicians get a few death threats or vandalism by some people who decide to take matters into their own hands. Are these people wrong in their actions? Yes, but let's get real here, the only person to blame here are the people who act on it. Whatever happened to personal responsibility and accountability?

Besides, with this shooting, there is absolutely nothing to suggest that Loughner even liked Palin, chances are if he got inspiration from this shooting from anywhere, it seems in line more from a regrettably titled Daily Kos article (My congresswoman is now Dead to me, in referreing to Congresswoman Giffords, no link since story has been scrubbed from the website) then from a call to arms by Sarah Palin. It is quite humorous (in a terribly unfunny sort of way) how quick people were to pin this action on Sarah Palin and put the blame on her. Quite crazy actually, that people have to jump to conclusions by trying to figure out why and place the scape goat on somebody for their own political needs.

Of course, during the Ft Hood shooting, when it quickly came out that the mastermind behind that monstrocity was a Psychiatrist that got promoted to his station because nobody wanted to hurt anybody's feelings by the obvious conclusion anybody could have made that he was a radical islamist, it seemed like everywhere you looked people were falling over themselves trying to explain to people that it was so important not to jump to conclusions. Well, sorry, this is my conclusion on that story. Now everyone is rushing to conclusions to blame this on a convenient political scapegoat and saying somebody else's imagery influenced a person to shoot into a crowd at a grocery store. Stop trying to figure out the whys of why somebody did something an accept that we all have influences in every part of our lives. We, the individual, are ultimately responsible for our own actions. There is one person to blame here in this incident, and that person is a man by the name of Jared Loughner. Last I saw, he was an adult.

People are talking about being civil in talk, but man I hear the hate flowing toward Sarah Palin on this when there is no connection. Stop drawing conclusions!

And what do I see this as? This is a blatant attack on free speech. What, anybody who says anything about using figures of speech and imagery to drive their point is now guilty of inciting violence? The means some people go to connect Sarah Palin (a private citizen I might add) to other people's actions is absolutely insane. Yes, Sarah Palin has a lot of influence, a lot of people see her as bold, fresh and a source of common sense. Other people, for whatever reason, can't stand the sight of her. Because of her polarizing nature and a few other reasons, I don't think she could ever be President, though if the choice is between Palin and our current President, I'm willing to give Palin a shot, but that aside, people are trying to paint her as a scape goat in this, saying that she has blood on her hands or what not. I call Bull. As in shit, not eye. If you want to go down that slippery slope of a person's words and rhetoric as the means of inciting action in another individual, and then holding the person accountable for their words, then i would suggest that every person that Jared Loughner knew and was influenced by during his entire life, his parents, teachers, friends, coworkers, the media, etc, is accountable for his actions. And that is simply not the case. This man made his choice, he acted upon it, and he alone is responsible.

When we stand in front of those pearly gates and St Peter decides whether or not we are going to enter into the kingdom of heaven or be cast into the fiery pits of hell, I would suggest that we will be judged according to our own actions and not given a pass because we may or may not have been influenced by the words of someone else.

Another excellent blog post describing other examples of the use of the crosshairs or bullseye imagery by politicians other then Sarah Palin. Both sides are guilty if one is.

Sarah Palin comments to Glenn Beck on this tragedy, and everyone's hasty connection of her to it. Really, where do we draw the line?

The Boyz at Hillbuzz have done an excellent job at showing the hypocracy in this incident and how the media and various people are trying to pin it on Sarah Palin. A must read for anybody remotely interested in the story.

Preparing for a Revamp

Well, other than the blog, which will probably stay right here. I'm talking about my website, which still exists but is rather neglected over at risawn.com. I'm actually planning to use the com in .com for what it's intention is, I'm going commerical.

Actually, I'm going to redub the site Risawn Studios, and am trying to come up with a nifty logo to use with it, and then I think I'm going to showcase my art and photography, and then go into freelance work and perhaps try something with taking pictures and portraits for people or what not. So it's a way to showcase my work and hopefully profit a little on the side. I would be content for this to just be a side job to make a little extra money along with any other odd jobs I do. The key being, of course, is working from home is my goal. If I can keep myself motivated.

Also, I need a new computer. My husband is a mac, but I can't picture myself buying a desktop mac with all of the software I have, and paying so much for one, when I've stuck on PC.

Meanwhile, completed my first month of P90X. Pics to come, although I'm debating on showing pictures at the end of it all.

New Years Resolutions - 2010/2011

Alright, New Year means New Resolutions, and a check to see how I did.

Knock off some states off my States I haven't Visited Yet list - Got Michigan, Wisonsin, Michigan and North Dakota. That just leaves five, Arkansas, Mississippi, Louisiana, Alaska and Hawaii.

Read and Finish at least one book a month - I used to be a bookworm, but other things kept my mind off of reading this year.

Run Bloomsday under an Hour Thirty - Ran Bloomsday, I think my time was 1:20 or something. Definitely accomplished.

Operation Zombie Plan - I completely forgot to do it. It's a joke I want to do. I have to enlist some help of some siblings or my husband. We'll see.

NanoWriMo - I did it twice successfully, this year I had other things occupying my time. November was a crazy month.

Write and Publish a Short Story - I didn't do a lot of writing this year in general, again, lot's of other things on my mind. That's a good thing probably.

24 Hour Comic - I still want to do this, best do it when my husband is not home. Because he would undoubtedly get bored with it.

Give Comic an Ultimatum - Continue it or Kill it. This will be a green regardless. Haha! It's a yellow. I didn't give it an ultimatum yet, I haven't done much with it, but I don't want to give up on it yet. It is leering towards killing it unfortunately.

Work on Social Life - still a huge homebody, but my social life is immensely better this year. We being newlyweds don't do a lot of going out on the town, but I would say I am much more social then before.

Be More Active - Immensely more active, I am still a bit of a homebody and like to lounge around the house surfing the internets, but with P90X, horses, and everything else, I am staying pretty active and feel great. Also, ran a half marathon, insanely slow, but I did it!

Employment - marriage killed the initiative to find a job, and when I did find one, I got pregnant and it wasn't a good combo. I do want to get a real job, perferably working from home because I would love to be a stay at home mom.

Concealed Weapon's Permit - Damn. Bite the bullet and get it I guess.

So how did I do? 7 reds, 1 yellow and 4 greens. Not great, but not awful, considering I had three that were writing related and 2 comic related. So, how goes this year?

1. Run Bloomsday at close to an hour - I'm trying to get back into running, I'm working at P90X and as soon as the weather clears up I'm going to squeeze in some running as well. I would like to run a possible half marathon.

2. Leadman - it's a triathlon that is ski/snowboard, bike and run in Idaho. Takes place on our wedding anniversary. We would have done it last year, but, well, marriage happened instead :)

3. Pattern Racing - I am so going to do this more this year! Take a horse and run patterns on them, and I've got a horse that is awesome at patterns! She loves to run, and I'm going to do more of this.

4. Trail Challenge, Ride and Ties - More horse related items, the Trail Challenge is just riding on a trail with obstacles and getting rated on it. Same horse as above. The ride and tie is two people and a horse racing and switching off. Trail challenge is local, ride and tie not so much.

5. Concealed Weapons Permit - I am going to do this, I am going to do this.

6. Motorcycle License - I just want one, so I think I'm going to take a class and learn how to ride a motorcycle. Then my hubby and I can ride together.

7. Finish P90X - at the end of week 3 and so far so good! Since we got the right weights, it has shown to be more of a workout then before. I've only missed one day, Yoga, two days ago, and one Ab Ripper workout, yesterday, due to lower back pain. Hopefully we can continue and finish this thing out. I feel great already!

8. Go Canyoneering - we got this slotted for this year sometime. Probably in the spring, heading for Southern Utah.

9. Start writing a children's book - I want to write, illustrate and publish a children's book. It's a time consuming process, I don't expect it to get done in one day, but it would be pretty cool if I can get it going.

10. Employment - I need a job. In this economy it isn't great. Maybe something stay at home, on my own hours. That way I can continue taking care of the house, get things organized, and if somebody comes along, I don't have to change my schedule that much.

11. Learn to cook at least one new meal every month, if not every week - I need to diversify my domestic skills, and men I learn, love to eat.

12. 24 hour comic - hold over from last year, still want to do it.

13. Get back into painting - My plan from last year didn't work. I have a studio now, so I don't have any excuses. Hmm, well, maybe one.

14. Organize my studio space - it is currently a disaster. I need to get things set up in there so I can actually use the space.

15. Get Pregnant - Depending on when this happens, this might but make a lot of my other resolutions go red.

2010 was actually a fantastic year for me. Here's to an even better 2011!

2010 - Year in Review

It's January first, and you know what that means?

I post my end of year in review questions and answers. This has become a theme for me, one that I think I'm going to try to keep up with. One that I am ditching (because I think I may have seen four current movies this year) is my best and worst movies of the year review. No point really when a former movie buff no longer really watches movies.

Anyway, onto the questions!


01. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
This is a doozy of a question, this was quite a wild and crazy year for me! Let me see, I went jeeping, got engaged, got married, went rock climbing on actual rock and not a rock wall, did Pattern Racing on Horseback, got pregnant, (had a miscarriage), went snowmobiling, among other things. Kind of an exciting year.

02. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I think I did pretty good this year on resolutions. That will be detailed in the next post.

03. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I don't think so, but as soon as I say that, somebody close to me is going to say 'hey, what about me? How did you forget me?' and I will feel like a doofus.

04. Did anyone close to you die?
Again, can't think of anyone.

05. What countries did you visit?
No countries this year. However I did see four more states, which brings my total of states visited to 45. The states I visited this year that I hadn't visited before was Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota and North Dakota. I did visit Minnesota in 2009, but I flew through it and am not sure if I counted it or not.

06. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
I don't think I was lacking much in 2010, this has been, for the most part, a fantastic year for me. But I can think of one thing, a steady job :P Married life has not been conducive to my productivity.

07. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
There is a few. March 22, the date I was engaged. April 24th, the day I got married. (yes, we had a quick engagement). October 24th, the date I realized I was pregnant. November 10th, the date I miscarried.

08. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting married! I didn't think this would ever happen, and it is a huge achievement for me.

09. What was your biggest failure?
I don't know if I could count it as a failure, but it was a big blow for me (fortunately, I've moved past it) but losing my pregnancy.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Should I state it again? I had a miscarraige. I've learned it can be a big deal.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My horses, Jet and Breezy. We also just purchased snowmobiles, but they are still relatively recent (like two days ago)

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I'm thinking next year this question needs to be rewritten. But I will say my hubby's :) He is quite an awesome guy!

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Hmm, not sure. I know a few people I got frustrated with, but I wasn't appalled and depressed by them. Another question worth rewriting for next year?
Ok, there is one person, but granted, he's six. I discovered upon this that I can't do roommates.

14. Where did most of your money go?
This year, it seems to have gone toward horses.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting Married!

16. What songs will always remind you of 2010?
Marry Me by Train

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
I am doing awesome right now. I was doing pretty good this time last year as well.

ii. Thinner or fatter?
About the same. Right now I'm working out pretty regularly and feel pretty active, but a month ago I wasn't.

iii. Richer or poorer?
Financially, it's a draw. In many other ways, I think I'm richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I had discovered Pattern Racing earlier then I did, but then again I didn't have the means of transportation to get my horse to the pattern races. But this year, if possible, I would love to do it again!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Played Farmville, Mafia Wars, Vampire Wars, etc. Browser Games are addictive and completely pointless. I've milked myself off most of them, just a handful left.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Spent Christmas Eve with my parents and family and opened a few presents, had a quite christmas morning with my husband, went to his parent's place and had more christmas, and then went back to my parent's and even more christmas. And we also had lot's of snow.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
This was something I didn't think would ever happen but YES! Hell froze over!

23. How many one night stands?
I have them all the time, with my husband :P

24. What were your favourite TV programs?
We didn't watch much TV, finished Lost, saw the only season of Flash Forward, and I got my husband into Avatar, the Last Airbender. But overall, didn't watch much TV

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
This is a very juvenile question. Maybe next year I will completely come up with a completely different list of questions. I did have a small falling out with somebody I knew, but I wouldn't call it hate. I haven't heard from them in months.

26. What was the best book you read?
I can't think of any books I read in 2010 other then How to Train Your Dragon (quick read, nothing like the movie). I wrote mostly, and was doing a lot of other things. Didn't have time to read.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Oh gosh, I don't listen to the radio much. There was a couple though. I'll admit to liking Kei$ha, though her music can sometime remind me of the imaturity of a 14 year old and she can sound a little snobbish. But it's kind of catchy. I discovered Parmore the year before but I really really REALLy like this group!

28. What did you want and get?
Horses, a husband, a great house out in the country.

29. What did you want and not get?
A job. I did have a small one for a couple months, but it was kind of bad hours for me, threw off my entire day, I have decided I won't do graveyards.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I didn't see much, but Inception was fantastic. I love quirky mind bending movies though.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 30. There was a blizzard, I ended up trading a snowboard for something else and then had to prep the stalls to take a couple horses for the evening. Then I stayed at home and chilled until my husband got off work.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not losing my pregnancy. (I feel like a broken record, this was the worst thing that happened to me this year though)

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
T-shirt, jeans and muck boots. Hay sticking out in random places.

34. What kept you sane?
Horseback riding! And my husband. This was a pretty sane year for the most part.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you like the most?
Never really been into public figures and celebrities. But Chris Christy is a fantastic no nonsense politician. I love the guts this man has!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Not a whole lot really, I kept current on politics but mostly the economy was my biggest concern. Obamacare is a disaster in the making. But I didn't really get to caught up in things this year, I had my mind on a lot of other things.

37. Who did you miss?
My husband :( He deployed three weeks after we got married, but he was only gone for four months, thankfully :)

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I've met a ton of great people this year, my sis in law Jessica could be potentially one of my best friends (if only we lived closer together!) Also one of my new racing buddies. I married into a great family. Also, many of my new 'horse' friends.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
It's not about me anymore.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"You are the only exception."

That Time Of Year

Tis the Season! You know, when you go out into the roads trying to find those last minute gift ideas or whatever else you need to buy and then you wonder why you left the house in the first place?

There's been snow on the ground since November 22nd, which was when we had our freak blizzard. It melted in town but out in the boondocks where we live, it's hung around a little while longer. Giving a young married couple with no kids a lot of thoughts on what to do besides the obvious. I love winter, it's a great time of year, but you are limited on what you can do especially if you are looking for ways to conserve money.

So I am looking for things to do with my man (besides the unspoken obvious) that doesn't require us to continue to dive into the bank account. He's got the next week off from work, you see. So, it's list making time!


The Unspoken Obvious (come on, we're married)

Working Out (middle of week two for P90X!)


Horse Back Riding (we're feeding them anyway, might as well put them to use)

Surf Internets (certain sites are not conducive to maintaining healthy bank accounts, Craigslist comes to mind)

Watch movies (loves Netflix!)

Play Video Games (Wii, Playstion 3, Xbox 360, and older consoles, we have plenty to use)

Play Browser games (biggest time waster in the history of time wasters!)

Snowboarding (alas, money issues arise, expensive hobby, but we got the equipment as long as we don't mind making the trek to where the hills are)

Writing (loner activity, doesn't excite hubby much)

Blog about Random Crap (sure my readers would appreciate this, especially if they like me blogging about random crap)

Photography (what is it with men and taking pictures anyway?)

Bake cookies!

Sledding (damn, we need a sled. Hmm, see snowboarding)

Combine sleds with Horses! Or Snowboards with Horses!
Build a Snowman (wait for the powder snow to get the right consistency)

Fireworks! (we live out in the boondocks, this will likely be a new years thing since we're hosting this year and I've got a tote full of them)

Do Art (I got a whole room downstairs dedicated to a studio, as soon as I get it organized. . . hmm)

Organize Art Room (so I can do above)

Clean house (*sighs* yes, when you've got nothing else going on, this is probably a good one to fall back on. A clean house is a great feeling)

Work on long neglected Webcomic (best done when honey is not home, because he would undoubtedly grow bored)


Read (again, loner activity)

Visit a Bookstore (I used to LOVE doing this, should do more often)

Indoor Rock Climbing (got all the gear, if it wasn't below freezing out it would be FREE!)

Hot Cocoa, a Fire, and cuddling (can lead to unspoken obviousness)


So, that is SOME items I came up with. I'm sure I can figure out some more. So, any suggestions? Think childless married couple who often acts like big kids themselves, because that's us to a tee.

EDIT - MORE Items to consider!

Scrounge through crap and list on Craigslist for a little extra mullah

Rearrange furniture (though probably to soon to do this)

Clean out the garage/shop so hubby can have his space

Come up with to do list for little projects that need to be done around the house (honey's love honey do lists I know! Hah!)

Look for a job in this crappy economy so we don't have to worry so much about finding free things to do

P90X Week One

P90X, week one complete.

To give you a little update on me, I try to stay active, but lately I've been kind of ho-humming it around the house and living married life, and now I know why people tend to settle down. Anyway, my original plan was to get into spectacular shape and then maybe work on getting pregnant so I can stay active through my pregnancy.

Of course, when I discovered I had gotten pregnant sooner then expected, you kind of are forced to take it easy, and if you weren't all that active before the pregnancy, you really shouldn't be choosing then to up the activity level.

Alas, with my miscarriage, and the holidays, and everything else, I've been kind of taking it easy for the last couple months or so. I'm feeling it, so I decided I was going to begin working out. My husband had P90X workout videos and I decided I was going to do these to get into shape.

So, what is P90X? It is basically a work out regimine that is constantly shifting so you are working your entire body doing different kinds of exercises every day, and therefore working different muscles and giving other muscles a break. For my first week, I didn't do a whole lot of pushing myself, mostly because I didn't have the proper equipment and also because I needed to familiarize myself with the exercises before I just jump full on into it.

The first day is Back and Shoulders, with a little abs thrown in there as well. Back and shoulders basically is Pushups, Pullups, more pushups, more pullups, and when you thought you had enough, you do more pushups and pullups. This one is very much back to the basics and anybody who's been to basic training has likely done something very similar to this exercise (except pull ups in the army are dependant on pull up bars, which we don't always have readily available). I should have done better on my pushups, because, well, I'm in the army, but I've been neglectful on my conditioning and that is one of the places I've been neglectful on. So I did my pushups, not pushing myself to hard this week because I knew I would be sore the next day and that would be the end of my motivation to work out (because I'm human, and that's one of the sucky parts of working out is the pain the next day).

Well guess what? The next day I was feeling it. But I gritted my teeth and told myself, damn it! I'm going to do this and there's no backing out now! So I popped in the next disc, which is Plyometrics. This is basically a bunch of exercises that help you be more nimble and quick on your feet, and help with the jumping aspect of life. It's a cardio workout, in otherwords. And Cardio is where you start sweating. This workout had me going and I certainly felt it. What's interesting, I didn't feel like I was working the same muscles as before, it worked all different muscles.

Wednesday was arms, and it boiled down to weights. If you don't have proper weights, you won't get a good workout here. Well, I basically got a gist of the workout, but I wasn't really worked because I lacked the equipment, and ended up doing it with three pound weights. It got some tricep muscles worked, but that's about it. So before I do this excercise again, I went and got some bigger weights. Eventually I plan on having a few at my disposal. Oh, and when you're done, you do Abs.

Thursday was Yoga. Yoga and I are going to have to learn to come to an understanding, because I'm not flexible at all. Eventually, I'm guessing that that will come, but in the meantime, my balance and all of these funky moves will need to be worked.

Friday was legs and back. Lot's of lunges and squats, and more weights, I definitely felt this one, but would have felt it more if I had proper weights. And the pull ups were back. Oh, and don't forget, Abs.

Saturday was Kenpo, think kind of a TaiBo workout. Lot's of kicking and punching, definitely a cardio workout.

Sunday is a day of rest, or you can do the stretch workout that they provide. I haven't done this one yet. I'm debating on getting up the motivation to stretch out. mostly because each of these workouts are between an hour to and hour and a half. i feel that I'm in pretty good shape regardless, but now I need to push myself a little harder.

Who knows, a month of this and i might be able to do Combatives level 2

Women in Combat

I saw this on Hotair and thought, "hmm, current topic that I can comment on!"

The topic of course, being apparently that some congressional panel decided it's time to send women into combat. For whatever reason. My thoughts on this?

Largely mixed. I do believe if a woman is capable of doing something that she sets her mind on, she should go for it. But in regards to combat arms, capability is key.  She needs to be able to do the job to a high standard.

Look, I'm talking as someone who was stationed at Fort Knox Kentucky for 18 months (non concurrent) and the units I was in were all male, and then there was me. I might have had an XO or a supply sergeant that was also representing our gender, but you guessed it, female here, in a company of up to 258 people which most were representing the opposite sex.

The thing was, a lot of these guys eventually went on to work in non combat arms fields and chances are they were going to be working in a co-ed environment. Now don't get me wrong, I pulled my weight and held my own, but I had to push myself that much harder to do a task that was very easy for my male counterparts. And sometimes I fell short, which was a gross disappointment to myself.

Look, let's just get to the grit here. This isn't about Women in Combat, because women are in combat all the time. This is about women in Combat Arms. Tankers, Cav Scouts, Engineers, Artillery and Infantry. They are broken into smaller units and have a very precise and often demanding job to do. Because every soldier is an infantryman first (even women, that's what Basic Combat Training is all about) I know most about the infantry set up. You know what the infantry does? They ruck, go out on patrols with all their gear, and kill things. Sounds good, sign me up! You know what, when I was twenty, I would have been all over that. I'm thirty now, and trying to pull my weight with my infantry counterparts (and great guys they are too) and damn, my 5'3" frame is not always up to snuff on those long road marches up Misery, Agony and Heart break. You know what, a lot of those young privates aren't up to snuff either. A lot of them fall back, some fall out. Infantry is no joke, it is very demanding.

You know what I didn't see a lot of in Fort Knox? Stress Fractures in the hips. You know what I see a lot of at Co-ed basics like Fort Leonard Wood and Fort Jackson? Stress Fractures in the hips. Because in Basic Training you are learning basic Infantry techniques. These are the basics. You want to learn more, go to Fort Benning and they'll grill you for an additional month.

The thing about Combat Arms is everything about Combat Arms is very physically demanding. Which gets me back to my original point.

If a woman wants to be an infantryman, if that is her one heart's desire is to endure Sand Hill at Fort Benning Georgia so she can wear that Blue Chord and Disc, she better be able to perform up to a certain standard before she even makes it to the reception station. She should pass the PT test at the female standard at the minimum and pass it at the male standard before she graduates. See, the military understands the differences of physiology between men and women, some think it's a bunch of bull but sorry, and sure there are exceptions (I've seen many weak ass boys in my time) but by and large they are there. That's why there is a different scale for men and women in the army. I only have to do 17 push ups to pass a PT test whereas a guy my age has to do 39. I only have to run an abysmal 20:30 two mile to pass, and the same age for a guy has to break under 17. If a woman can prove she's the exception, let her have it. But she needs to meet the exact same standard the men have. And you know what? it's hard! Is it possible? Yes, I've know some tough as nails chicks in my military career, but they have to work their asses off to maintain that physical condition.

Me? I'll let the young bucks do the hard work, and I'm at a stage in my life where I'm done with that phase of wanting to kill myself. Would still love a shot at doing Airborne, but if it never happens, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Of course, there is that other dynamic of working in a largely male unit as a female. let's get real, hormones exist, they flare, and in the sweaty stinky environment that is the army, especially in the close quarters that is combat arms (and hell, Basic Training), you think that testosterone isn't running rampant? We breed for testosterone, Hooah! Now, lift don't ask, don't tell policy and let Lesbians serve in combat arms, you probably won't have to much fraternization between the sexes in those cases, but every other case? You know how often men and women sleep together in NON combat arms units? What happens on TDY stays on TDY is an military way of living for a reason. Hormones FLARE! I don't know what went wrong with me, guess I was just a fluke (and let me tell you, my battles knew I was an exception to the rule) but half of Co-ed Basic is baby sitting the boys and the girls and making sure they don't shack up with one another. What a pain in the ass. Ever have that workplace relationship that went sour and you still have to work with those people? Imagine that happening on deployment, ten thousand miles from home, and you find yourself feeling a little something with your saw gunner. Things get intense, you rendezvous in the foxhole a couple of times despite your Squad Leader saying otherwise (because it doesn't matter what the squad leader/drill sergeant/company commander/general order number one says, when two privates want to do something in the horizontal, they are going to find a way to do it) and suddenly things get sour. Awkwardness ensues on patrol. You think office romance is weird? Try infantry romance. I bet it is equally awkward with two men who happen to fall under the don't ask, don't tell policy (and why perhaps don't ask don't tell should stay in affect for combat arms for this very reason).

What I'm saying is, it happens. Hormones are a very human thing, and I don't care what kind of super soldier you think you are, people are driven to procreate. Combat arms is a very different environment then the rest of the military. And it would be even a little bit more awkward when one of your riflemen ends up pregnant, despite the use of birth control, because I doubt the logistics will always be fail safe in the middle of Afghanistan and the condom in the heat of the desert may just lose some of its effectiveness. Oh, and the whole monthly constitutional that women go through.

So, in finality, can women serve in combat arms? Yes, but mostly on a case to case basis. Discrimination is absolutely vital in these regards, and the military completely should have the right to discriminate. Dude, it's not always a bad thing. I know some people always flout the evils of discrimination but sometimes it exists for a reason, and the military has a very good reason. I don't think they should open the flood gates to let any woman who wants to swear in to the US Army to take a position in a combat arms unit. The selection process for her should be very difficult. And if she stirs up trouble once she gets into her unit, well guess what? Maybe she shouldn't have been there in the first place.

The military is about team work, not about the individual needs of a person's desire to be a grenadier (ooh, pick me, pick me!). And if a girl shows that she has what it takes to earn that infantry title, she further needs to prove that she has the fortitude to be a soldier first and not be a distraction to her comrades. You know what? That's easier said then done. The needs of the army should always be first, and if they need more bodies for cannon fodder on the front lines and they need to open up combat arms to women to get those numbers, well, they might discover they've opened up a can of worms.

But I guess if Israel can do it, why can't we, eh? Do it all over again, maybe I should have gone infantry?

Hmm, nope. I think I'll stay where I'm at.

Killing Myself Through Working Out

So, I am seriously thinking that getting my lazy butt into shape is in order. Married life has not been conducive to my productivity, or so i have coem to notice. And I am finding myself circling the internets, and I must say that facebook is the biggest waste of time ever invented.

Starting next monday, I want to change it all.

I'm going to do P90x.

What is P90X you might ask? Well, it's this really intense workout that you do for 90 days, fortunately you can do it at your own pace, but i've heard a lot of good about it and your supposed to see some amazing results. Since I've been kind of in recovery mode for the last month, I think it's high time I get my lazy butt in gear. So on Monday, I'm going to start working out. I might have to restart it a couple of times, you know, because my muscles will be soar the first few days and I might lose motivation when I wake up stiff the next morning, but damn it, I'm going to do this! I just have to keep myself motivated and not lose sight of my goals. And that goal is to get into fantastic shape before I attempt to get pregnant again. Because with my luck, I'll get pregnant right away and then I'll be up a creak with out a paddle because if you haven't been working out before getting pregnant, it's not always a great idea to start working out. But if you are already working out, and doing something crazy like, say, P90X, I think they recommend you tone it down a little but otherwise carry on.

I do not want to be that person who gains 50 pounds and sits on her ass throughout her pregnancy. My genetics is kind of predispositioned for weight gain *sighs* (thanks mom) but I do want to be in kick butt shape before another surprise pregnancy happens, and this time, dag nab it, I plan to be ready!

So, er, does anybody care if I blog about my p90x experience or are you all thinking 'meh'.

Maybe I should take some before and after pictures? Especially if I make it through. If I give up half way (or I don't make it past the first week) you can all point and laugh at my feeble attempt.

Forty by Forty

They say thirty is the most dreaded birthday out there.  And alas, today is my thirtieth birthday.  The big Three Oh.  It is kind of surreal to think about, seeing as I sort of feel like a kid at times.  I think this year is going to really make me grow and mature however, something about the changes I'm going through would probably do that to anybody. 

So anyway, a going trend for people going into their thirtieth year is to select thirty things they want to accomplish by the time they turn thirty.  They range from taking a trip to reading a book every month to whatever, and it's posted on their twenty ninth birthday to be reflected on the following year. 

Well, I hadn't heard about this little challenge when I turned 29, and then I saw my cousin post it and I thought 'What a brilliant idea!', it's kind of like a bucket list without the death involved, so it gives you a little more of a timeframe to work with.  But seeing as I learned about this seven months to late, I decided that I am going to use an entire decade and make a list of things I want to accomplish by my fortieth birthday.  So, here are forty things I want to do before I turn forty.

1. Go Heli-skiing
2. Publish a book
3. Get a scuba diving certificate
4. See all fifty states
5. Set foot on six continents
6. Get my bachelor's
7. Go Zorbing
8. Run a Marathon
9. Show jump on a horse in competition
10. Get a motor cycle license
11. Learn to play Guitar
12. Climb Mt Rainier (I'll be satisfied with that, no need to put Killamanjaro or Everest on there, but if the opportunity arises, I'll take it :)
13. Play an extra (with an on screen appearance, no matter how small or brief) in a movie
14. Break a horse from start to finish
15. Ride and Tie
16. Learn to Sail (lookin at my sis in law here)
17. Enter my art in a gallery
18. Take up Archery
19. Become fluent in another language (likely german if any)
20. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
21. Participate in an Improve Everywhere event or something of the like
22. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
23. Bungee Jump
24. Bungee Jump out of a Hot Air Balloon?  (ok, I jest, though I'll knock 22 and 23 together if the opportunity arises)
24 for Reals.  Go on a Safari
25. Sky dive solo
26. Compete in a triathlon (and by this I mean really compete)
27. Own my own business
28. Visit the Louvre
29. Witness a total eclipse
30. Ski (or rather, snowboard) the Alps
31. Learn a martial Art (and stick with it!)
32. Learn to dance
33. Sit in a studio audience at a live TV Show
34. Have a fully functional Zombie Plan
35. Plant and maintain a garden
36. Join a book club
37. The Price is Right, need I say more?
38. Purchase a wheel and kiln, and make pottery with it
39. Be 100% debt free
40. Become a mom

Another list I saw recently (courtesy of Instapundit) was a list of 30 things I wish I had done before I turned 30, and I was tempted to do a list about this too, but then I got to thinking, you know, I've had a pretty good life thus far.  There has been some regrets, but I can't really say I regret where I am now.  I look at a lot of these kinds of lists and I'm amazed by how many items these other people put on there that I knocked off in the last few years or so.

And I've still got ten good years to get all of the things I wanted to get done by now to get these things accomplished.

Note, it is difficult to come up with 40 things, and if I don't get half of these done, I think I'll be ok with that. a lot of these are things younger people do anyway, and I'm good with what I've accomplished so far.  Also, not a single item on my list is military related.

Addictions Much?

So these days I've been on a no lifting profile, meaning no lifting anything over 20 pounds, so it has kind of limited me on what I can do around the house.  My house is a constant work in progress in an effort to get things a little more ready for Thanksgiving, which we are hosting this year.  It's exciting for me to host, and this will let us know if we are capable of holding other family functions in the not to distant future.  Our family is quickly expanding, and we've sortof outgrown my parent's house. 

My expanded time off has given me a greater appreciation for things to do when one is limited.  I'll admit, I think recently I've grown quite annoyed with the computer (the whole rest and relax thing) I've discovered I really take it for granted when I'm in good health and I can work on other things, but now that I'm stuck and forced to relax, well, I find myself getting  bored with what I do normally.  Surfing the comptuer that is.

Really, I think I'm getting sick of the computer, why is it in this day and age everyone is wired so much?  I discovered the computer, and I mean really discovered it, in high school and now I feel like I'm always online.  Now I have my smart phone that I feel like I'm checking every five seconds to see if somebody posted something or responded to me or whatever.  Really, it's a very narcissistic lifestyle people have these days.  Facebook is all about ME!  Have you noticed that?  It's fun to check up on other people, but it's mostly all about you and other people reacting to what you say.  I enjoy it, I admit, and it's nice to keep up to date on people you find from childhood or from years ago.  Some people I probably would have completely lost contact with if it wasn't for facebook.  But still, what a timewaster in the scheme of things.  I think I need to limit myself to one time during the day to check update statuses, comment on what other people say, and then get off and work on other things.  Like household duties.

The house, fortunately, is coming along.  It feels so much better now that it has been painted from flesh tones to more neutrals and light colors.  Fleshtones are meant for people, not walls.  And one thing that I feel like I'm coming along with is domestications, and I look back and think 'you know, it would have been nice to take Home Economics' even if it was a typical girl class in high school, like how boys take shop (and guess what I took?)  I think I had to grow out of that independent stubborn streak though, and I find it's fun to keep a house and now that I'm getting more into cooking, I find myself scrounging for recipes that are easy to make.  And though I never really liked cooking before, I'm discovering now that I'm really enjoying it.  Aint that something?

So I got a little more then a week before I find my house over come with toddlers and teenagers, men burrowed down in the basement watching the tv while the womenfolk work on the big dinner (yes, traditional household here), and I find myself a little disappointed that I won't likely be going on the yearly ritual of plinking on Thanksgiving (I'm hosting afterall, I need to be at home with the guests) i guess I can say that i'm enjoying the prospect of what's to come.  I got a long life ahead of me, let's make the most of it.

And try to get off the computer when I can't do much of anything else.

On Heartbreak, and the Solace that Everything Happens For a Reason

Today is Veteran's day.  Many of my readers may suspect I would post about my thoughts on this holiday, being a veteran (of Kosovo), but I would only be repeating what many people have said before in a far more eloquent fashion then I ever could.  Instead, I feel the need to post on a topic far more personal and a little more closer to home, especially for me now. 

Today marks my niece Olivia's third birthday.  However, she is not here to celebrate it, as my family lost her not even two hours after she was born.  I had the opportunity to hold her for a brief moment and share in the mourning of her loss with my sister, and my heart ached for her then, though I could not fathom the pain she must have went through carrying that precious child to term knowing she would lose her.

Strange how in the long term what an impact Olivia's short life had on our family and on my sister, who grew tremendously from it.  And despite being on the eve of the anniversary of her own daughter's loss, my sister was there for me. 

I kind of got a suspicion something was wrong for a while, but this being my first pregnancy I didn't know what to expect and was taking it one step at a time, and not dwell to much on things and just try to focus on the positive.  I went in for a New Beginnings Orientation through my OB-GYN office on Monday, and as they were briefing me on things to expect through this pregnancy and signs to look out for, I became concerned about one in particular.  I've been having a dull ache on one side for a while, and learned that this is a symptom of an Ectopic Pregnancy, better known as a Tubal Pregnancy.  I talked to the nurse afterwards about it and my concerns about feeling that strange abdominal pain, she assured me that it could be a number of things and not to get to concerned, but definitely call the doctor's office if things got worse.  But something gnawed on me and I went to my parent's house, calling my mom and letting her know of my concerns.  I asked my father for a Father's Blessing, just to be on the safe side (a religious custom).

However, I can't help thinking that I knew I lost this baby then.  I tried to take things easy over the next few days.  I woke up Wednesday morning, surfed the internet for a bit, went out and fed the animals, and that's when it hit me.  Something was definitely wrong, I was overwhelmed with a terrible abdominal pain.  I thought perhaps it was lack of water and got a glass to drink but it wasn't going away.  My husband Gus, having worked graveyards, was still asleep and I didn't want to disturb him, but as the pain got worse, I couldn't help but call my mom for advice.  Something was definitely wrong.  The severe pain was followed by hot flashes and just got worse.  When the bleeding started, I finally called my OB-GYN.  They recommended I go to the ER, especially when I started getting the shakes and the chills. 

My mom finally made it out and my husband was awake by then, most of the pain had subsided and I made my way to the ER, which followed a lengthy wait, with a blood draw, an ultrasound, and all of that.  There was some concerns as the embryo was nowhere to be found and the concern of an ectopic pregnancy resurfaced.  My blood draw came back seriously low in HCG hormone, the levels at around 200 when it should be somewhere between 6-9,000.  The pain had mostly subsided but the bleeding continued.  The doctor confirmed what I had by this time already known, I was having a miscarriage. 

Having it confirmed though really brought it home to me, even though I knew from that morning that this was probably what was happening.  I finally broke down, the reality that I had lost my pregnancy at seven weeks hit me. 

Although they couldn't find the embriotic sac during the ultra sound, I passed it later last night, finding a small mass of tissue that could only be the remains of what had been that short pregnancy. 

I don't think anybody could describe the flurry of emotions one goes through during a pregnancy, from the moment you find out that you are carrying a life inside of you, and I cannot begin to describe the feeling of losing it, which is followed by a sense of great sadness and mourning for the potential of what that life could have brought to me, and how much I was expecting it to change my own.

But the truth is, that short pregnancy did have an impact on me, and I can't help but think it happened for a reason.  I'll be honest when saying that the timing was off for me, when I learned that I was pregnant my first thought was 'crap, now?'  But once I got over the fact of what I was losing by being pregnant, the plans I had made for this next year, the freedom to do and eat what i wanted, was replaced by this excitement about what this tiny life was going to bring to my own, and how this experience would change me and forever mature me.  And in the short two and a half weeks I was pregnant, it really did impact me, it definitely got me out of the mindset that it's not just me anymore, it's us.  I share my life with another now, and every choice I make impacts him and every life that we bring into this world together.  And I realized I needed that tiny mass of life to help me leave my independence behind and come to terms that it isn't all about me anymore.  This short life had a meaning, had a purpose.  When that next surprise comes (and yes, our goal is still next fall), I'll be prepared for it.  I will look forward to it, and my first instinct won't be 'crap, what's this going to do to my plans', but rather my first instinct will be 'here we go!'  I have a suspicion the next one will come to term, and this one was meant to prepare me for that one. 

My deepest fear was an Ectopic pregnancy, I do admit.  I am at peace knowing that I had a normal miscarriage, that these things happen, even though it is still a heartbreak I wouldn't wish on anyone.  What concerned me most about the chances of the Ectopic Pregnancy was not just that having one would put me at high risk for future pregnancies, but the actions i would have to take if it was one.  Ectopic Pregnancies are very dangerous, and can be fatal to the mother.  The embryo can not be brought to term.  But the hardest part for me to deal with in that situation would not be the possibility of what it could do to me, but the actions I would have to take, namely ending the life.  I've always considered myself pro-life, but this pregnancy confirmed that I am.  I am grateful that the pregnancy ended on it's own terms, and did not force me to take action against it.  That would have eaten at me more then anything now.   

This experience has confirmed a lot of things to me.  One, that I have a wonderful husband who has been very supportive of me, and I can't help but think that I got the better end of this deal.  I have a fantastic family who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.  I feel that I don't appreciate them enough, realizing that life is so short and I should enjoy every minute of it. 

As I was sitting at home, not knowing what to expect, I found myself thinking that I needed to focus on the positives, and my facebook update was "Always Look at the Bright Side of Your Life", and in this case, I don't want to dwell on the negative of losing this pregnancy, but the positive of what came of it.  Gus and I have a little more time to get to know each other a little better, as per our original plan.  I think I'm a little more ready for that next pregnancy, and it gives me a little more time to get myself in the shape I want to be in for the next time.  My plans from before can go into affect, but I'm prepared to be a little more flexible, and ready to take life as it comes.  I can go back to training Turtle and riding my other horses, look forward to what looks to be a fantastic year for snowboarding, get the house ready to host thanksgiving, do a few races with my sisters and sis-in-law, and perhaps get to take part in the hooah training that my unit has planned for the next year. 

If any new surprises come my way over the next year or so, I probably won't mention them until I get over that hump of a first trimester.  I was kind of wary of talking about this pregnancy so soon after I found out, being only five weeks along when i made the announcement.  But i felt like I was announcing it to the world anyway, since I had to inform my employer and my unit, find different arrangements for my horses, I didn't see the point of keeping it secret. 

I thought I would hold onto this little tidbit a little longer then I did.  I am surprised that I'm so willing to talk about it so soon after it happened, but have found that talking about it is very therapeutic for me, and getting it out will help me move on, and letting people know now that no, I'm no longer pregnant so they don't have to go through the awkward phase of asking me how I'm doing only to hear that I lost it.  I likely won't discuss it much again in the future, but do know that I am doing alright.  Death is a part of life, and though I was looking forward to meeting this little determined spirit that I was so sure had done everything he could to make it into this world despite his parents working to delay his entry, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he makes another go at it.  I'm just hoping he gives me a couple months to recoup before he tries again.

Plans for the Stay At Home Housewife / New Mom

What to do with myself?

I may have mentioned before that my mind gets racing and I often have these ideas of things I can do or write about or whatever.  Of course, right now I'm just plain exhausted due to my present condition.  I was working graveyard shifts at the airport to provide a little extra income but put in my two weeks as soon as I confirmed that I was indeed pregnant because my job consisted of cleaning airplanes.  Right now I kind of want to avoid cleaning chemicals.  I do need to get another job (aside from my weekend warrior stint, don't know where that's going to go for the next year other then me just sitting around because I really shouldn't do anything) and it has got me thinking. 

Truthfully, though I am fiercely independent in mind, I'm old fashioned at heart.  Hey, what can I say?  I am conservative and I was raised in a two parent household with five brothers and sisters and my mom was largely a house wife.  I don't want to raise my kidlings via day care, I think the day care generation that is coming into age now a days has a lot to say against it because of the fact that their parents weren't at home raising them.  I fully plan on being a stay at home mom and being the primary raiser of my offspring (until of course, my husband retires from the Airforce and becomes a full time stay at home dad and sends me off to earn the living, so he says)

Fortunately, with the invention of the internets came many great and wonderful things, such as working from home.  I'm trying to figure out what exactly I can do where I can be available for my kids and be here for them where I am also earning a living on the side and therefore contributing to the inflow of household cash for other things like clothes, food, and spontaneous trips to wherever our minds or hearts take us.  I want to get back into blogging, like I mentioned before, I enjoy it and I felt if I pursued it when I got my fluke hit with fame back in 2004 that fizzled due to Army not liking my blogging habits (and since then, I have come to better understand their concerns, but still) so yes, when I feel up to it and not completely wasted by exhaustion, I might post my thoughts and opinions on whatever.  But I don't think I can ever make a serious living off of blogging alone. 

Fortunately, having a house has given me one thing, and that is room to get back into my art again, something I have been dutifully neglecting for the last six years or so.  I don't know if I can make a serious living off of my art, but the extra income would be nice and I can do something that I love to do.  But how to market it?   eBay?  Craigslist?  Could I just sell random stuff on either?  Hmm. . .

It got me to thinking about some of my other hobbies and things I like to do, why not marry them together? 

Children's Book?  I've been wanting to do one for a while.  Well, I'll be stuck at home next spring and through the summer?  Well, it's going to be a while, maybe I can write and illustrate one, market it and find a living?  Would love it if I could do that, so I think I'm going to give it a shot.  What's the worst that can happen?  Nobody buys it?  If nothing else, perhaps I can make just enough to recoop some expenses. 

But first, I have to get my studio up and running, in the spare room I've claimed in the house. 

Other thoughts, possible Photography business, since I have the equipment.  Maybe even get in with my two sisters and work with them from time to time.  Just as soon as I find my little niche in the world I guess.   

bad hair

 Just a thought. 

Some decades are largely depicted by the hairstyles of that era.  You can look at a picture and just by the hair know what decade you are in. 

For example, the fifties had the greaser look. When you see this hairstyle you know you know what decade you're in (or in this case, trying to portray)
 
The 60's came with beatle mania, and the mop top look.  

 

The seventies introduced the notion of truly bad hair in my opinion, from long hair on guys that took a little to much time styling to look a lot like beauty icons of the era that were women.

Seriously???

Love the burns with the football helmet

You're the wront ethnicity to really pull this off buddy. 

I think the 70's offered a challenge to bad hair and the 80's took them up on it.  How else could you account for the mullet?  Truely the biggest atrocity ever to face mankind, and so many variations of it as well.  People, this is not a good haircut!

Business in front, party in the back

You look like a douche. . .

Granted, big hair bands started in the 70's, but they certainly carried through into the 80's 

The 90's were pretty calm for the most part.  Except they weren't without their blemishes.  for one, who can forget the dreaded Rat Tail, the mullet's offspring I'm sure?  Highly popular in the early 90's,  I had a few cousins who even wore this monstrocity and we called them on it then!  

There's also the bowl cut.  Granted, tolerable depending on the severity of the cut, this style has survived decades for some reason, it was probably established by one of the three stooges.  For some reason, it was popularized in the 90's to a degree my husband even wore it.  With a part down the front.  Love ya Gus, but please keep it short :)

Which brings me to the current era, which we are just leaving.  For the most part, this decade was made up of Faux Hawks.  Actually this decade has largely been rather tame and not entirely unpleasing to the eye. 

Save for one. 

I guarantee, in a few years, people are going to look back and wonder 'what in the hell were they thinking?'