Bipolar Episodes?

Ok, I'll admit I've been in a bit of a pissy mood lately. Little things set me off, and I've just been easily irritable. That's life. There's more to it but I choose not to go into detail at this time.

Well, today started out as another day of great irritation for me when something strange happened.

I acquired some bolts. A lot of them. These are the little bolts that go on the end of screws, but they are a special kind of bolt. - Doh, you got me. Nuts go on the end of bolts. Screws don't need nuts, or bolts. Chalk another one up to those double X chromosomes.

Suddenly, I became happy.

I don't know how to explain it, but a bunch of stupid bolts put me in a good mood. This is actually quite odd come to think about it. I got to thinking as my thinking became a little more rational, why am I having these bipolar episodes right now? I mean to put it in an understatement, the last few days I've been downright moody and apathetic. I just did not care. Suddenly, I acquire a bunch of bolts, it sets off a good mood, and I become eager and willing to please again.

Bolts? Why Bolts? What is going on in my head? I'm not exactly sure but I should probably look into it.

Because describing my mood swings as Bipolar is quite appropriate. I have also discovered, as time goes on for me, that I am a forgiving person (though I get mad as hell at people and can hold a vendetta out for a short time) and will generally look past people's faults. There is only one person in my life that I have really held a grudge against for a long period of time and I've pretty much let that go as well. I mean there are a few people that have irked the living crap out of me, but right now I feel like everything is alright in the world, when not more then four hours ago I was thinking how much certain people irk the crap out of me and also feeling extremely paranoid, like people are out to get me. I don't feel paranoid right now. I just feel calm. And strangely relaxed.

Work continues, it can be related to a bunch of my stress and frustration, and probably a good deal of my mood swings, though I will state that right now I'm not exactly working in the job field I came here to do (though that should hopefully change here in the next couple weeks, give or take a few days). I've been learning a lot, and at the same time discovering what it feels like to want to maim people. At least I'm getting off work at a reasonable time lately. That helps me unwind. But there is never a problem with staying busy. I've always got something to do.

Still, I think I need to talk to somebody about my intense mood swings. They can't be normal. And this is beyond the usual crabbiness that females get during that certain time of month, this is outright insanity.

Oh well, I never was one for claiming to be sane.


Life Goes On

I returned the blog to how it was. Mostly because I'm not posting that much on it anyway and I like the way it was better. And if anybody has a problem with me having pictures on it like this, that's their problem. This is still my personal blog.

Life has been pretty much nil lately, the exciting stuff I'm not really at liberty to talk about and my free time is quite nearly non existent. I haven't even had a huge opportunity to work out so even though my 100 push ups idea is on the forefront of my brain, I can't get myself motivated enough to do them because I have a billion and one other things at work that have my time occupied instead.

So what do I do when I am not working my butt off?

ROCK BAND : This game is my release. It finally came out for the Wii and since I don't have time to hit a karaoke bar, I can just throw it on and sing a couple of songs on it, or play some faux drums or guitar. I think I like the singing the best, but I'm stuck on this one song that for some reason I'm completely tone deaf on because I can't beat it to open up the next level of songs on the solo version.

I would like to play with other people, but everyone I know is either to busy to play or they are not allowed too. Like I said, my limited free time is mostly non existent.

PHOTOS : I've been taking a lot of pictures of various things. I have my camera on me most of the time and when I get the chance, I go out and take pictures. Most people have no problem with me taking pictures because I turn around and share them. Most pictures I do not have the option of posting online because I don't have permission from the people in them to post them. But then there are the other items that I get pictures of. I tend to get a lot of pictures of bugs.

I'm learning a lot about my lenses. I'll have to share later.

MOVIES : The last movie I saw in the theaters was Incredible Hulk. I wasn't too impressed. Edward Norton did a great job, but I guess I haven't gotten into the Hulk craze. If there is such a thing. The idea behind it isn't as appealing to me as other super hero movies I've seen. For some reason, I like the idea behind Spiderman and X men more.

The last movie I saw before that? I think it was Indiana Jones 4. I haven't had a lot of time to go see movies.

WRITING : You know what my outlet has largely been? Writing my strange twisted stories. I haven't had a lot to blog about so I haven't really been blogging (have you noticed?) but I do enjoy writing. One of my stories I'm working on has topped 650 pages. When I started writing it, I didn't have that intention. I think if I could write a story that had a semi readable storyline, I would really enjoy being an author. I have discovered that I really do enjoy letting my imagination go wild, but sometimes it goes a little to wild.

WORKING OUT : Hah, I haven't been. I do what I can when I can do it. But the only time I really have to work out is in the evenings, and I'm a night owl. If I work out after seven, I get the adrenaline going and won't go to sleep until midnight or later. And then I won't get up the next morning, which is early.

Which leaves me for the things that I would LIKE to do if I can get the chance.

COMBATIVES : I think my favorite thing I've done recently that I didn't think I would enjoy as much as I do is Combatives, though its kind of an Mixed Martial Arts thing. I'm level one certified and I would really like to do Level Two, even though I would undoubtedly recieve a black eye and get the crap beat out of me when I go for it. If I could get up to level three I would really like too, but I can only expect so much in my position. But I think I just need to get in and roll more often. It's hard to do combatives because you really need to do it with somebody you trust, but it will give you a fantastic workout and will kick the snot out of you. I haven't been working out as much as I would like, but I think if I were to find a hobby such as this I would really enjoy it. Though is 27 to old to really start getting into something like this? I hate getting older, and I can already tell where my body is going to give out on me.

Whatever, I really need to find a hobby I can deal with that keeps me physically active. I'm going to be here for a little while, I just need to keep busy and my mind off of certain things and I think in the long run I'm good to go.

REPELLING : I love to do this kind of Hooah crap, and there is opportunities around here where you can learn how to do more adventuristic things, like Repel off of rocks and off of towers. I think when I get home I'm going to invest in some repelling equipment and find a big tote and throw it in there and go repelling more often. I need to take a class on it actually, maybe in the civilian world. Or maybe get into a class to do it with my current employer. But not just the bssic three bounces and you are down type of repelling. I want to do the crazy stuff too. Maybe I can get into Rock Climbing as well?

SKY DIVING : September, I'm going to find a place that does skydiving, and I'm going to scratch this off of my bucket list. I am going to jump out of an airplane as a reward for surviving this summer.

If I'm lucky maybe I'll even survive it.

SNOW BOARD : It's still the summer time. But I think this winter I'm going to get more snowboarding in. For the killer winter we had that gave us feet of snow, I didn't take advantage of it nearly enough.

When I listen to a bunch of people talk about what they do for fun out in the real world, it makes me really appreciate the time I have when I'm not working and makes me want to do more and be more active.

The problem with that is it generally costs money. And I like to do things with crap I already have.

Why are my plethora of hobbies so damn expensive anyway?


March of Cambreadth

How Many of Them Can We Make Die?

This is a great song. My brother showed it to me last year and as I heard it, all I could think was 'this would make an awesome cadence!'

I'd have to alter the ending slightly, or just leave it off as cadences don't always lend well to choruses, but look at the words. If this isn't a motivational marching cadence, I don't know what is.

(Author: Heather Alexander

Axes flash, broadswords swing
Shining armors’ piercing ring
Horses run with polished shield
Fight those bastards ‘til they yield

Midnight mare, blood red roan
Fight to keep this land your own
Sound the horn and call the cry
How many of them can we make die?

Follow orders as you’re told
Make their yellow blood run cold
Fight until you die or drop
A force like ours is hard to stop

Close your mind to stress and pain
Fight ‘til you’re no longer sane
Let not one damn cur pass by
How many of them can we make die?

Guard your women and children well
Send these bastards back to Hell
We’ll teach them the ways of war
And they won’t come here anymore

Use your shield and use your head
Fight ‘til everyone is dead
Raise the flag up to the sky
How many of them can we make die?

Dawn has broke, the time has come
Move your feet to the marching drum
We’ll win the war and pay the toll
Fight as one in heart and soul

Midnight mare and blood red roan
Fight to keep this land your own
Sound the horn and call the cry
How many of them can we make die?

Axes flash, broadswords swing
Shining armors’ piercing ring
Horses run with polished shield
Fight those bastards ‘til they yield

Midnight mare and blood red roan
Fight to keep this land your own
Sound the horn and call the cry
How many of them can we make die?
How many of them can we make die?
How many of them can we make die?

I'll march to it too and from details. But I think I want to work on the 'killing the baby seals' cadence too.