I woke up to a bout of Post Partum this morning. Yeah, great timing, don't you think? And it was definitely a case of me not knowing why I was so upset. Really, one of those cases of depression that you can't explain. Guess it's the hormones coupled with the lack of sunlight and trying to get better while taking care of an infant who has been quite fussy recently, and me learning the ins and outs of motherhood and baby care. I guess all I really can do is hang in there, and as long as I keep my mind off of the baby blues, I will be ok.
Because really, I have a lot to be thankful for. I can honestly say in the last couple of years I have been genuinely happy. I have long since learned that there are a few things that matter, and this little infant at my side is one of the key ones at the moment.
In the spirit of getting my mind back on what matters most, and enduring this short bout with depression where I know I'll be back up and loving life again, I decided to make a list of what I'm thankful for.
My Husband, Gus: When he asked me to marry him, I'll be honest and when I said yes, I was thinking, 'well, it's not official, I can back out of it later, right?' because I didn't know if there was anybody out there I could be happy with. I didn't want to disappoint him. I won't say that we have a perfect marriage, I don't think those exist, but we have a pretty darn good one, and I can say that I genuinely love him. We compliment each other so well, he tempers me, I can't help but know that I was waiting for him, and he was waiting for me. How we met was a total fluke, I don't know anybody who have a courtship like ours was, but we were meant to be together. He is my soulmate, if such a thing exists. I feel very blessed that I have him in my life. I'm glad he chased me down and eventually chose me to be his wife. And he puts up with a lot from me.
My daughter, Kaia: She's only nine days old today, and I have an entire lifetime to get to know her. She has given my life a whole new perspective, and i see things in a way I have never done before. I used to be quite selfish, without really meaning to be, but I guess it comes with being the youngest and growing up in this generation. My life has changed completely upon marriage, and becoming pregnant and having a baby has changed it even more so. My entire outlook on life is completely different now, and it has honestly been for the better. I don't think I would trade what I have right now for anything. Not to mention that she is pretty darn cute. Gus and Kami genetics proved to be a winning combination. I can't wait to meet the person she becomes.
My Family: I am blessed with a very close family. We genuinely enjoy each other's company and look for excuses to get together all of the time. It is also good to know that when push comes to shove, when you reach hard times, they have your back. We have helped one another out so much, and I know if I need help with anything, they are a phone call away. It's funny how very different each of us are from one another but how each of us completes the family unit, and how obvious it is when a member is not there for family gatherings. There is definitely a hole there.
Then of course, there is my other family. I married into an amazing group of people (and still learning who they all are) and have been welcomed and accepted with open arms.
Friends: There is an old saying that goes "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other Gold." Sure, it's a bit cheesy, but the idea behind it is very much true. There are only a handful of friends I have managed to hang onto from my childhood, and those few friends I have I feel very blessed to know. I have made some fantastic friends in the last few years as well.
Facebook: Yes, it is a time waster, and a sucker of souls, but me, the person who falls out of contact with everyone I meet, has found the perfect tool for staying in contact with people that matter to me, plus a way to share my life with those who matter, and follow along on the adventures of my family and friends. Now, I'll be honest and admit I don't know why I need 353 friends, and Facebook Drama can be quite annoying, but social networking is an amazing thing.
Craigslist: It is odd, I love the concept of Craigslist, but without it, I wouldn't have met my husband. Yes, it is an odd story. Plus, I love the ability to barter for things and the treasures you can find on there, often for a great deal.
My Home: Part of home making is making a house into a home. I love the peace and tranquility of where we live, sure it's out in the boondocks, or so I keep saying, but the atmosphere is something you won't find in the suburbs of a city. We may not be here forever, but I would be content to grow old and die here.
Tricare: I told Gus he cannot leave the military until we are done having kids. I think we will be having one more (unless an accident comes upon us) but Tricare is great for child birth. They covered everything with very minimal out of pocket expenses.
My Health: Aside from that pesky depression issue, I am blessed with great health. I'm already bounding back from my pregnancy (though far from 100%) and I was grateful that I was strong enough to endure labor without caving on drugs. In time, I know I'll be in great shape again, and next year I plan on taking advantage of it.
Painkillers: I am not 100% yet. I am very thankful for painkillers.
Horses: I love horses, I have been a horse nut since I was about seven years old. And I have two of them. I am very blessed I am in a position to own a horse and can afford too.
The Air Force: The military can be frustrating at times. But in this economy, my husband has a stable job and his unit has stepped up and helped us several times. I am grateful for the support network that they offer, and along with the rest of the armed services (noteably the Army, of course) for keeping our country safe.
My Unit: I have an awesome army unit. They are very supportive of me, especially considering my present circumstances, and I know they will do what they can to work around it. Because I am now a new mom, I am looking more and more on getting out, but if I do decide to stay in, this would likely be the unit I would stay with until i retire. I've got two years on my present contract left, but I'm in good hands.
Cell Phones: Ok, in truth they are a pain in the butt, because we did manage to go without cell phones for centuries. Now we have smart phones, which are enormous wastes of time, and I don't think we could live without them, but in truth, it is nice to always be able to contact somebody, especially if you need to talk to somebody right then. Or even texting, something I didn't do until about two years ago. Kind of crazy, actually.
Emoticons: I used to be horribly annoyed with them, but I have grown quite partial to this guy -> :P
My Car: I have a great car. It's practical, it's reliable, it gets good gas mileage, and it gets me from point A to point B. And it's paid off! I am glad I have the means to get around. And my lead foot has decreased in weight quite a bit over the last few years.
Chickens: They eat just about anything, they are amusing to look at, and they lay eggs! When you find yourself with a rooster, they also make for a great chicken noodle soup! Plus they are cute, which I find myself kind of amused to discover that chickens are quite cute.
Cats and Dogs: endless amusement, there is something very soothing about a purring cat on your lap, and I have two friendly barn cats that have instant purr mode as soon as I start petting them. I also have a crazy dog that likes to herd them, and they aren't amused. Watching them interact is quite entertaining.
The Gospel: I don't like to get to religious on my blog, and I am not the most religious person out there, but I am grateful for having the church in my life. I need to make a better effort to go, however. Lately I've been more of a heathen. With the new little one, I do want to raise her in the church with a set of moral standards and it is something I want to share with her.
Freedom: I am an independent person, I am grateful be to be an American and with all the rights and privileges that come with it.
Guns: Yes, I am a gun nut. I love guns, for a variety of reasons. They are empowering, and they certainly level the playing field. I am thankful for the security they provide. and of course, most people who follow my blog know me for my bad ass pose with one.
Sleep: I think I am about to crash now. Must be the new mom in me. But first, I need to feed the munchkin.
There are many more things I am thankful for, this is just a rundown of some of them. Indeed, there is quite a lot to be thankful for. Just some things to remember when the baby blues start getting me down.