It's A Mad World

Just found out that Gary Jules is coming to Spokane in a couple of weeks, and tickets are ten dollars.

I think I found something affordable that I would like to attend. He blew me away with his rendition of Mad World. I'd like to see how the rest of his music compares.

In other news, have been in the thinking mood again as of late. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but really, when it comes to me nothing is really ever a good thing.

Most of it has to do with religion though. See, I was brought up believing in a particular religion and in a lot of ways it makes sense to me. But in other ways I am constantly finding myself questioning a lot about it. I usually kind of keep this buried deep inside of me, I don't want to dwell on it because of a lot of factors.

I guess I've been in denial that I'm in denial for about five or six years now. Ever since I was about seventeen. That's probably when I first really started to get depressed, and I mean seriously depressed. I don't know if there is any corolation (sp?) between my eternal questioning and my faith. I mean, really, something that has always bugged me is that no matter what, if you don't believe in a here after, what do you look forward too? Just disappearing so that in a hundred years after you die, your just another forgotten name in the eternal database of humanity? That used to terrify me, the thought that after all this is over with, I would just disappear and cease to exist.

I want to believe in something greater then myself. I mean, a lot of things are greater then myself, but I truly want to believe in something greater then us all, that all omniscient being called God. I have a lot of issues sometimes when trying to decide if there is actually a God, but I guess I've believed in God for a lot of reasons, one of the main reasons is it brings me some kind of comfort knowing that perhaps, maybe, this isn't all there is to it. I guess that's just one of the things that kept me chugging along.

That, and the fear that if there is an afterlife, I just blew it.