Trust Issues

I've discovered as of late that I don't trust people like I used to. Well, to tell you the truth, I always had a certain amount of mistrust in regards to people around me, but lately I've discovered that it is hard for me to trust people that aren't family.

I think dealing with certain people in Kosovo killed a lot of my trust. In particular, somebody who I put a lot of trust and faith in who ended up stabbing me in the back multiple times. Something in my head was screaming at me to notice the warning signs and I didn't. I'll be paying for that for a long time to come too I wager. Jackass.

The roommate situation with my brother isn't quite working, for a variety of reasons. One, I'm rooming with boys, and how I've been raised, this goes against my better judgement. Now if it was just me and my brother, it would be just fine, but the third wheel is causing a bit of an issue. That, and actually, he keeps making me feel like I'm imposing on them. Well, the other roommate is the second issue I'm having. I don't really get along with him, and I don't trust him. And I can't live with somebody I don't trust. I don't think he'll take advantage of me or anything in certain ways, but he's already shown that he will try to take advantage of me in regards to weasling his way out of paying for stuff. I won't take any of that, and that really does rub me the wrong way.

Moving on, I don't know where I'm really going or doing right now with my life. I'm in a blah moment, I wanted to get this all figured out while I was in Kosovo and I'm not getting anything figured out. Moving back in *temporarily* with my parents while I sort through my stuff and get back into painting again. I really need to paint again. And if I do, believe me, this blog will focus a lot on that.

School is definitely on the agenda this fall, though I still don't know what I want to get a degree in. I was thinking education, I have a desire to teach. . . something, it has always kind of interested me. Funny, another part of me had often wanted to get into acting. Not for the fame part, strange, having a blog has told me that this is about as much fame as I can handle. Just the job itself has always sounded like fun. The chance to just be something you're not. Maybe that's why I always loved Halloween. A part of me can't act, but another part of me can. And I've been a lot less inhibited as of late. I think that's another lesson I learned in Kosovo.

That, and I can't trust people.

For those of you interested in knowing where I go from here in regards to the army, I'm still in for at least a year and a half. I'm debating on what I'm going to do, I don't want to stay as Preventive Medicine, I feel the job is becoming completely worthless and I have to be in a job with a purpose, or more importantly, a point. But I've hit a catch 22 in regards to that in that I don't want to reenlist until I get into a job I know I want to do and love, but I can't get that job unless I have more time left in service. Bah, leave me alone already!

But I'm safe from deploying. For now. Unless I volunteer for a deployment. And I don't see that happening any time soon. I need another job I actually feel comfortable deploying under first.

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