So I've been here for about four weeks, and I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what is going to happen after I am done here. Afterall, that was one of my goals, to figure out what life will hold for me when I'm done with this deployment.
Its also offering me a chance of self discovery and a glimpse of what the army is like on active duty.
See, I've been in the reserves for about five years now, and come later this year, my initial deployment will be over and while i'll have to at least extend while I am here, I have the option of reenlisting or getting out when I get home. And reenlisting entails a lot of different things. Will I want to continue in the reserves? Will I want to change jobs? Do I want to go active duty? Do I want to change jobs while on active duty? Where do I want to go? If I get out, what will I do then? Go to school? If so, what do I want to get a job doing? What do I want to get a degree in? Where's my personal life headed? And on and on.
If you can't tell, I'm an indecisive person. I think about things like this all of the time but I can never decide on exactly what direction to head. And I'm at a point in my life where I really should be focusing on this more. I should have an idea of where I want to go and what I want to do, and I really don't becuase I can't decide what I want to do and when I do come across something that sounds interesting to me, I look more into it and look at my life and where I am now and wonder if myself and my personality are compatible with that.
Right now, I've got a little bit of stability. In that, I'm here in Kosovo for the next year, this will get me out of debt and on a clean sheet of paper and I won't have a whole lot of choice in which direction I want to go for at least the next year. For this I am thankful. But after that, the field is wide open. There is about few dozen directions I can take in the position I am in, and I have the problem in trying to go two different directions at once.
Which leaves me right back where I started.
I got a year to think about it. That is my ultimate goal is to know when this is over.
And stop beating myself up about it.