Oh The Agony!!!

It's getting to be that time of week again.

Yes, that time of week where I sit on my ass and make a list of things I need to do. In fact, I need to make a list of things I need to do for tomorrow. There really isn't a whole lot of things I need to do, just a few things. And because lists really retain no interest to anyone other then myself, I'll attempt to keep it short. And then I'll find something else to talk about.
  • Call Hospital financing place and see if they ever got my bills covered.
  • Call Physicians Union and do the same as above (pay off if necessary, all I need now is some collections agency after my ass)
  • Buy an Easle (my one last splurge, I promise, since Chuck was such an impulse)
  • Call a certain colonol in the military. I won't name names, but if I can get an answer from this person that I want, I will scratch the above note.
  • Find out about this travel voucher I just got and find out if it is correct, becuase it sure don't sound right.
  • Clean the room (I have come to notice that this makes every list I do.)
  • revamp Creature, so it mirrors this website (kind of like what I did with Magic

Like I said, a rather short little one.

Meanwhile, I'm having issues trying to talk some sense into my conscience. See, I know I don't always act like I am, but I am rather compassionate at heart. I can easily bash a generic person(like a faceless one), but I am not confrontational and I'm very sympathetic to people in sincere need. especially if I can relate.

Like, the other day I had to get something taken care of on my qwest bill and I called in a little upset. I chewed the person on the phone out and I felt deeply ashamed of myself later. When I blow up on people, it really gnaws on me for days at a time, unless they were a complete jackass and truely deeply deserved it. But I mean, sometimes I can be a heinous bitch and I do not like myself afterwards. Why do I have to be like that?

But I'm a total softy too. I can be very giving and compassionate if I want to be. The only problem is, when I was younger, I was so to a fault. And I got taken advantage of and withdrew because of it, so it makes me so hesitant to help somebody who really does need the help. How can I really give of myself and help somebody without being taken advantage of again? It feels good to help, but it hurts when somebody stabs you in the back, or worse, doesn't even notice your efforts?

I hate these dilemmas I must suffer with myself.

*meanwhile, I'm thinking of adding my archives back on, only to notice that my archives aren't working. Blast it all*

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