On friday I had to give the FMPP brief. FMPP is Force Management Pass Program or something of that nature, it is the Bulgaria trip mostly. Anyway, before you leave you have to do a Brief and Preventive Medicine, which is my section, has to give a portion of it.
I don't mind giving this briefing at all. In fact, I like to give it. Though apparently people tell me I go red in the face when I have to talk about my part.
That might make sense in a moment.
Anyway, people have to go over the safety portion of the briefing and all that jazz as well as the medical portion and then it comes to me. My job is to tell them where not to eat and not to screw around (literally).
So we get around to listening to the droning of the earlier briefing, because these people mostly have to give this thing every week and you can tell that they're bored, and I'm thinking "I plan on waking these people up a bit".
One way that my NCOIC had gotten it into people's heads so that they wouldn't forget the food issue is by the use of the words "explosive Diarrhea" and "Projectile Vomiting". Excessive Number 2 and 3. Yeah, that would kill any desire to eat at some of those questionable restaurants. That being the idea.
But by far my favorite topic of discussion is STDs. You see, when your dealing with a Task Force where the Male Female Ratio is 10 to 1 or even worse then that (like the guys at Monteith) some of them like to think of this trip to Bulgaria as a little opportunity to get some. And I don't care who these people are, whether they are married or what not, people are screwing around. I don't care who people are screwing around with, just as long as they give me enough warning that I'm not in the same room with it (which had been a problem earlier). So you got people going to Bulgaria to fool around and get a little, and Preventive Medicine is in charge of making sure you don't get any STDs because we get to councel you in case you get some.
So we get to drive home the point of avoiding the screw around by explaining STDs and what they will do to you. SPC D had set up this awesome power point that went into graphic detail of some STDs and some of the higher ups thought it was a little to graphic for the fragile minds of our soldiers or something *gag* so now we have this really boring powerpoint which is as basic as you can get. So we have to go into lavish detail about explaining these diseases as what they will do to you.
Like, you can get Genital Warts even if you use a Condom. And its non-curable. You can get Herpes even if you use a condom. And it too is non curable. I wish I could have gotten into detail on the multiple exposures to Gonorrhea (that will make anybody make sure their partner is free of this disease before trying to get some themselves) but I only had 5 to 10 minutes on food and STDs.
From what I understood, I woke a lot of people up. I also got commended on doing a fine job with my part of the power point.
And whats more, when these people come back from FMPP, they get to pee in a cup. And I'll be there to collect.
I wonder what kind of STD comments I'll get next week?