Why I Refuse to Vote for John Kerry

As the election draws nearer (39 days to go), I have been following the issues pretty closely. I admit, I've been following John Kerry closely, watching his actions, and seeing where he's going and what his platform is all about.

I have not been impressed.

This actually started with the swiftboat controversy. Before that, I was still planning on voting for Bush but I had decided that I would probably do fine under Kerry and wouldn't have minded if he gotten elected.

What started it all was reading Unfit for Command and following the Swift Vets and their reason why they were bashing John Kerry. In fact, I had been reading their sight just before they got national exposure.

My thoughts on the Swift Vets is that most every thing they say is true. They are well documented on their sources and why they are attacking John Kerry. Its because their war with him is completely personal. I can't believe this is a front for the Bush Camp. These men are sincere in what they say and have nothing to gain (well, other then Kerry not getting the coveted slot of Commander in Chief) and everything to lose. These are 254 highly decorated Vietnam War Vets. Of course, according to the DNC, they're words were dispicable and hate-filled, and everything they say is lies. Of course, who would dare question the service of a highly decorated vietnam vet?

Well, apparently the DNC is questioning 254 highly decorated Vietnam vets. But nobody could dare say question John Kerry's service. And the fact that there are more then one link to the DNC and other 527 groups (move-on.org quickly comes to mind)

Reason 1, the Kerry camp's hypocritical response to the Swift Vet controversy.

That reason alone wouldn't stop me from voting for somebody, mind you. But looking into the Swift Vet controversy, I found about a few more reasons to despise John Kerry, mainly because I am in the service myself.

Reason 2, the lies that were debunked by the swift vets about Kerry's service, mainly Christmas in Cambodia, the first purple heart, the Silver Star, and the Jim Rassman's story.

Considering the Swift Vets have yet to wave from their story, they have mainly clarified their position, Kerry's story has changed a couple dozen times, from his own mouth to his own biography. This is kind of proving to me that he's a chronological liar. But then again, he's a politician. Next point.

Reason 3, the abbreviated tour.

Again, another thing that by itself, wouldn't stop me from voting for somebody. But this says a lot about a person, especially a person claiming to be a war hero. John Kerry's own testimony conflicts greatly with what really happened, and the fact that he didn't fulfil his duty. This is a minor pet peeve with me.

Reason 4, John Kerry's tesitmony in 1971.

This is well documented, and you can find everything you want here at Winter Soldier. If I hadn't been swayed by the above reasons (which, as mentioned before, by themselves will not cause me to not vote for somebody) but Kerry burned all his bridges with me on this one. His blatant lies and slandering of fellow soldiers makes me cringe in anger at this arrogant self serving bastard. And the fact that the Winter Soldier hearings have later proved to be lies, the people testifying were proven to have not even served in Vietnam. The whole thing was based on lies, and John Kerry has yet to apologize for what he did here and still stands by what he said.

The testimonies have hurt many Vietnam Vets, especially POW's and those that gave their life and do not have the choice of denouncing what Kerry said to save their good name.

Reason 5, Meeting with Vietcong in Paris

John Kerry met with the enemy while We were at war on his own accord to negotiate the end of the war. He did not do this with the cooperation of the US government, he did this by himself. I feel that Kerry was working more for the VietCong then the US.

I call this Treason.

Reason 6, Kerry did the above two points while still in the Navy.

Which makes his actions that much worse.

Reason 7, Kerry's picture is hanging in the war memorial building in Ho Chi Minh City for his actions that helped the Viet Cong win the Vietnam War.

Deplorable in the highest regard, a lot of people put a lot of blame on us losing the Vietnam War on Kerry and the role he played. His actions actually caused the Viet Cong to hold on a little longer as defeat was near.

That the Viet Cong have a picture hanging to Honor Kerry's service to them in a time of war speaks treason.

More can be found here.

Reason 8, Kerry refuses to clarify the charges made against him by the Swift Vets.

Nuancy boy just keeps beating around the bush and if anybody asks him any questions about his service, his response, literally is "are you questioning my patriotism?" Apparently, your service record and anything you have ever done in your life is out of bounds for questioning. Of course, we can question George Bush's service all we want.

Just sign the 180, John, I really want to know what you are hiding from the american people.

Reason 9, John Kerry's hypocritical response to George Bush's service.

I call his actions hypocritical because he demands Bush to come clean about his National Guard record when Bush wasn't even running on it, yet Kerry refuses too and his Presidential Platform is based on actions that happened 35 years ago. To do so is idiotic to begin with.

I do not care what Bush did in the National Guard 35 years ago. He's not running on that as a basis of his campaign. To keep bringing it up is incredibly stupid on Kerry's part. But that brings me to point 9.

Reason 9, John Kerry's slandering of anyone that served in National Guard/Reserves.

I'm a reservist, I have yet to serve in Iraq. Man, I must be trying to avoid service or something.

But I agree, the situation between now and then are a bit different (Draft vs All Volunteer Army) but he did slander most everybody serving in the National Guard back during Vietnam, as well as anyone who Legally obtained Draft Deferments.

Apparently, serving in the Military doesn't matter when your name is Bill Clinton, in fact, being a well-known Draft Dodger will get the DNC's blessing.

Truth is, 90% of young men eligible to serve during Vietnam didn't serve in Vietnam. They got out for a number of reasons in a number of ways. Some of them avoided service legally (Dick Cheney) some didn't (Bill Clinton).

And did you know that John Kerry actually had Four Draft Deferments for school (for the same reasons that Dick Cheney obtained them) before being threatened to be drafted? Guess what he did? He joined the NAVAL RESERVES!

Another point about John Kerry's hypocracy.

Reason 10, SeeBS and Ra^therGate.

There is no real proof that John Kerry was collaborating with CBS with the forged memos, but there is genuine proof that poeple in his campaign were. I refuse to watch CBS now as it has no credibility with me anymore. Not that I watch TV in the first place but still, this is kind of an interesting situation that happened. And it causes some questions about John Kerry's campaign.

Still, in the meantime, until there is rock solid proof against Kerry in this matter, I'll take his word for it that he personally was not involved.

Reason 11, John Kerry's service in the senate.

If Kerry was to run on any platform for president, he should have run on this. Unfortunately for him, he has not done a single thing to warrent his election to President of the US. His entire senate record is a joke. Oh, and the fact that he has missed something like 80% of his Senate votes this year? That is pretty pathetic. I can understand missing a couple to focus on a campaign, but this is overkill.

And the fact that in 20 years in the senate, Kerry has not put forth any major piece of legislation with his name on it tells me a lot about the man. And it obviously tells me that he doesn't understand how the government runs.

I guess he'd rather be windsurfing then attending Senate Meetings. The man is all Play and no Work.

Reason 12, John Kerry's position on Iraq.

"We know we can't count on the French. We know we can't count on the Russians, We know that Iraq is a danger to the United States, and we reserve the right to take pre-emptive action whenever we feel it's in our national interest"

That is a direct quote from John Kerry. Yes, John Kerry said that. In 1997, when Clinton was president. I guess it matters who is in office, doesn't it?

This man has no position on Iraq, and to me, being in the military, that is an important point. This man will be my Commander in Chief, and if he takes that position, I will bite my tongue and cease to say anything negative about him. But his position with Iraq has told me that this man is a politician in the truest of senses.

Reason 13, Gun Issue Nuancy

Iraq isn't the only thing he's been nuanced about, Kerry is riding the post on every single issue.

I'm an advocate of the 2nd ammendment, Kerry is trying to get the gun owner's vote. His voting record speaks against him. Kerry is in the hands of those that seek gun control and if he had his way, he would have practically every gun banned.

But lately he's been incistant that he is an avid sportsman. Yeah, whatever win's you a few votes, right? Talk about doing whatever you can to get elected.

Reason 14, Football Fans for Truth

Yes, this is a joke, but it tells you something about Kerry. Kerry is striving to be something he's not, and showing about a billion different faces to appease anyone and everyone. I have no respect for somebody who continues to play at being something he's not. Be honest dude, and admit you don't know much about sports. I'd have a bit more respect for you if you did so.

Reason 15, Will not take responsibility for anything

Last winter, John Kerry fell when he was snowboarding, and blamed it on his secret service agent.

He blamed his campaign for the reaction to the Swift Vets.

I can actually go on if I do a little research (I'm typing this all out of my head), but basically John Kerry refused to take responsibility for anything that goes wrong. He is the first to blame somebody else.

And he is the one that is blaming Bush for not taking responsibility on some things that happened.

Hypocracy.

Reason 16, More respected with Foreign Leaders my ass

John Kerry insists that he can get more respect by the world community then Bush has.

So far I have heard him insult the coalition in Iraq, calling them the "coalition of the bribed." However, he insists he can help get more countries involved in Iraq and the war on terror through "inducements." Well, I guess it's bribery with Republicans and Inducements with Democrats.

His sister is insulting our Australian allies and basically alienating them from us. Thanks Kerry's Sister. You're a bigger jackass then I expected.

Then of course, Kerry just this week insulted the Iraqi Prime Minister by basically calling him a liar for 'white washing' what was really happening on Iraq. I guess because its war, nothing good can be coming from Iraq right now, can there? I mean, it must be all doom and gloom.

But I guess he is more respected (term used loosely) by dictators and terrorists in the world who would rather see him in office over George Bush because they can see that Kerry is already a pushover and a pansy to the corrupted UN.

Of course there is some good coming out of Iraq, but Kerry isn't helping our troops by basically claiming their effort is a lost cause and they are wasting their time and dying for no reason trying to create democracy in a hostile zone. I do not like listening to Kerry talk about the war on Iraq, and I think I would like it even less if I were over there trying to serve my country and help the people of Iraq.

Which brings me to Reason 17, Kerry's constant banter demoralizing our troops

Did I mention I do not like John Kerry? His words on the situation in Iraq is only demoralizing our troops and giving heart to the terrorists. I guess it isn't unusual, Kerry did the same thing in 1971.

Reason 18, Kerry's four point plan for getting out of Iraq.

Its rather vague and basically lets the terrorists know that Help is On the Way. I'll look for an article detailing it in length.

The gist of it is, "I'm getting the troops out as soon as possible, and getting the UN and other nations to fork up the rest of the bill." Yeah, right Nuancy boy.

Of course, I wouldn't expect Kerry to stay the course on a fight like this, he bugs out of everything.

Update - Apparently he's also scripted a Seven Point Plan on the War on Terror. his plan mirrors that of Bush and what he said. Hmm, interesting.

Reason 19, No plan or agenda

He's all talk, no action. All Kerry does is ramble on and on without saying anything. He keeps talking about plans and what he's going to do, but he doesn't have anythign to show.

Oh, and the fact that while he was in the legislative branch of the government, he didn't put forward any legislation to do what he's claiming needs to be done (like healthcare or what not). He should have tried to do this in the senate, it is not soemthing that happens in the Executive Branch. The fact is that he is depending on the American's ignorance on how the government runs on a lot of the issues.

He could have something to go by on his candidacy for president if he had put forth some sort of legislation while in the senate for the bills he claims he will enact. Unfortunately, actions speak louder then words. You don't have a plan, dude. And you got exactly 39 days to really make one.

And the four point plan on Iraq is far from a plan of action. Its a very nuanced, french like beginning of one.

Reason 20, Kerry's a coward

And he likes the french. I hate the french. Enough said.

Reason 21, get's overly defensive when somebody says something negative about him.

Ok, there is one thing about being president that anyone running for president ought to understand. You can't please everybody, and there are people out there that loathe you.

Kerry gets whiney and overly defensive when anybody says anything bad about him. His catchphrase response is "are you questioning my patriotism?" This is a numbnuts response to the negative press, and shows that he doesn't have what it takes to handle the pressure of the undoubtedly most powerful office in the world.

Kerry's midnight response to the Republican National Convention says it all. The guy is an idiot.

Reason 22, Teresa

This lady scares me more then John does sometimes. I don't know what I would do if she were first lady.

I have nothing against people who speak their mind, but they need to have some tact when they do it. Theresa Heinz-Kerry has absolutely no tact, and should realize that when running for political office, you need to take this into account. Her actions do not help John Kerry one bit with the swing voters. If anything, her actions alienate them.

And since I don't agree with John Kerry's Health Care agenda, Heinz-Kerry called me and everyone else that agrees with me an Idiot.

Reason 23, "I actually did vote for the 87 Billion, Before I voted against it."

Ok, that's just one phrase that John Kerry used. There's a bunch more out there that show his nuancy even more. And they say Bush is bad on words. I think Bush is a far more eloquant speaker then Kerry is. And Bush knows he can sometimes be bad with words. At least he's tongue in cheek about it. Kerry is in constant denile.

Reason 24, his actions during the Cold War speak loudly on his view of the Military

He tried to cut funding on the Military in the height of the cold war, which to me, makes very little sense.

Reason 25, Zell Miller.

Zell Miller, an old-school Democrat from Georgia I believe (I apologize if I'm wrong on the state he represents) said it all at the Republican National Convention. He subsequently got a lot of bashing from the media and his fellow Democrats for what he said, but the man speaks his mind and isn't afraid of the reaction he knew he would undoubtedly get. I agree 100% with everything Zell Miller said about John Kerry.

Reason 26, the man's a hypocrit in the worst sense

And this has been proven many times in the above posts. I can't stand Hypocrits.

Reason 27, the negative press about John Kerry is far more fascinating to follow then the negative press about Bush.

There are about a couple hundred groups that are dogging the president right now. And for a long time, there was not much on Kerry. I've heard so much negative press about Bush that I got sick of it after a while. The negativity on Kerry is actually pretty funny and very fascinating to watch, especially when you discover what an unlikeable person Kerry is.

As a person, Bush is very friendly and likeable. Kerry isn't. Which makes all the negative information about him that much more interesting to follow.

Why I Would Vote for John Kerry

Ok, to be fair, I have to state something good about Kerry as well, the reasons why I would vote for him. This, is far more difficult then finding reasons why I would not vote for him, because there is very little I actually like about the man.

Reason 1, The Department of Wellness

This is something I actually agree with Kerry on. I have a lot of knowledge in Preventive Medicine, and though I didn't really want to do this when I first joined the army, I can see a great deal of benefits involving it. Prevention is a much better way of solving the healthcare crisis then treatment, and its cheaper too. If you can educate the population on how to keep themselves healthy and promote preventive medicine, everyone wins in the long run.

The downside? I don't think we need another buorocracy involved in our government. A department fully promoting Preventive Medicine is also already in existence. It's called the CDC (center of Disease Control). How about giving the CDC a bit more funding so that they can focus more on Public Health?

And besides the "Department of Wellness" is a stupid name.

Reason 2, He won't rush to war

As is evident by his actions in the past. Unfortunately, I don't see him rushing to war when we actually need to be at war either.

Reason 3, he's 'Not Bush'

Seeing that I don't have a big problem with Bush, I can say that there are probably more qualified people out there to be President then him. Unfortunately, it seems that those more qualified people aren't the types to actually run for public office.

That said, it seems like this is the number one reason why most people plan to vote for Kerry. And the problem is, I am more likely to vote for Bush because he's "not Kerry" then vote for Kerry because he's "not Bush".

I'm a firm believer though, that you vote for Somebody, not against them.

Now, what is more interesting, is that these are the only three real reasons why I can see why I would want to vote for Kerry, or why anybody would actually vote for him. Well, other then the healthcare issue. Which falls under the department of Wellness really.

In other words, I'm just trying to figure out, most of my friends say that they are voting for Kerry. Can they give me a reason other then "he's Not Bush"?

Because that is the stupidest reason to vote for somebody that I can think of.

And just for Shits and Giggles, Reason 4, A Kerry Presidency keeps Hillary out of office for eight years

Enough said.

Next up, Why I will vote for George Bush, to include, as I did here, reasons why I would not vote for him.

Meanwhile, this post will be continually updated with supporting documents, and more items as I find them as to why I would not vote for Kerry. This will continue over the next couple of days until it is refined to the point that i Like it.

Dazed and Confused

Work has left me dazed and confused as of late. However, the good news, I no longer have to worry about class, though the last class kind of redeemed the whole thing for me. I actually discovered that I learned something.

I learned that I'm good at public speaking. I think I would have been even better if I had taken the time to study the information I was presenting. But considering I shammed it, everyone was telling me I did a great job.

Actually, i was the one stuck doing it because nobody else in my team wanted to get up and speak in front of everyone else. But it didn't bother me. Steve, my teacher, suggested that I look into doing that more.

I said I wanted to be a teacher. I've often felt that way. Maybe I should look more into this route and see where I go. I might actually learn that I like it.

The Latest in School/Work/Playtime

I've officially decided to withdraw out of University of Phoenix for a number of reasons, one that I don't get it (I haven't learned anything), two that its kind of spendy, and three if I have time to learn in another method, meaning to actually go to college and sit in a class, well, I'd rather be doing that!

This week at work, I'll be working every morning from roughly six to three. I've got to get up early to make it to work.

Tomorrow I have to call my councelor and tell him to disenroll me from school, I'll probably end up going to class and shamming my way through that and then I can be grateful to know that it is ALL over.

I put in my paperwork for the army to go active duty. Lynn says I should know anywhere from two weeks to three months. I'm hoping its more along the two week window. As soon as I get that paperwork, I can seriously start talking to a recruiter. I have to put paperwork in to ask to keep my Sergeant, but I have a strong suspicion that it will probably go. I think I can get it back pretty quick. I don't know how the boards are, but maybe I'll get promoted pretty quickly?

My main area of lacking is military education, but I'm getting some points in that arena.

Meanwhile, the unit can't decide whether or not it is on alert. Two weeks ago it was going through the grapevine that we were off alert and free to go. Now we're supposedly back on. The army can't make up its mind. I've been assured that I can still go active however. I pray that this is the case, I don't want to hang around the unit for another year deciding what it is going to do. Besides, I've got another year on my contract and I'm supposed to be out! I can't hold my life for this unit! It's not worth it!

Play, man, I don't have time to play. Me and my friend Shamra are supposed to be going biking on the Hiawatha trail on Oct 2 but that got redirected due to the fact that the army has decided to play army that day. I wonder if I can get out of it?

I think once this class is over, I'm going to start working again on my comic. It can be frustrating at times, but it can also be far more rewarding.

I gotta get out of this rut.

Tasking of Goals for Myself

I have set up some new tasks for me to accomplish.

My first, and primary task, is to get out of my parent's house by January. I think I can accomplish this.

I think once you move out of the house, it is hard to move back in, and now that I'm back and have been back for almost a year now, it is time for me to move on.

Second task, is to decide where I want to live.

third, deciding what I want to do. This might come before deciding where to live actually.

Fourth, Decide what else I want to do with what I want to do.

Fifth, packing everything that isn't coming with me. I should get a nice room that unfortunately has carpets, but I don't think I'll have roomies. Maybe I will. Probably more like a dorm then anything.

Sixth, look into more schooling options. But don't get buckled down by these, perhaps look at night class options. And see if I can't take my big fat easle with me :)

I'm getting excited about getting out of here. If I task myself with just living off of my necessities and not go hog wild into spending sprees, I think I can get out of most of my debts in six months. Six Months! I'm in bliss!

I think I'm finally going to go active duty. My unit is in turmoil, I have become an Army of One, literally (and everyone is poking fun at this new predicament) and I don't want to be around when the next commander decides to inventory this shit again, because I've inventoried equipment for that unit a grand total of five times in the last year alone. That's quite a few times considering I only do this one weekend a month and an inventory generally takes about two to three days, depending on how thorough the people inventoring it is. And did I mention that I also inventoried the Seattle Teams this summer as well?

If they had a recruitment video about what we really do in the Army Reserves, people would probably be less inclined to sign.

Let's see how big of an improvement Active is.

To Milblog, or Not to Milblog

i've been doing a lot of blogging lately, mostly in the arena of reading what other people post. They don't really talk so much about there personal lives, like I generally do, but just news in general, and their take on it. Seeing that it is a political year, a lot of these blogs are politically driven. I want to do something like this. In fact, I wanted to do something like it and call it 'musings', but I chickened out (no, it would not necessarily be political). I think I'll do it again. I was also thinking of starting a MilBlog. Maybe I'll do that once I hit active duty.

I don't know what this one will be. Probably just Incoherant Ramblings and things better left Unsaid.

College Woes

Well, I have come to a conclusion after this first (and in afterthought, expensive) class, that flexnet is not for me. It was thankfully, only five weeks long and so I will repay my financial aid as best as I can and pay for the class. My goal is to simply pass it, I got until next wednesday to do the final few assignments I've been having trouble doing.

In other news, all day today I inventoried again. Just like yesterday. Just like I'll do tomorrow. I am getting the paperwork for active duty going through, if I can just submit myself to working and not doing much in the avenue of fun, I should have most of my larger bills paid off. And I'll also have to pay in taxes next year. Hastings failed to take out my income taxes and I never made note of it because I'm a slacker.

So the question is, where do I want to go?

Also, this weekend, I'm debating on whether or not I want to take the time to clear some brush to get unlimited skiing this winter, considering two factors. One, I'll only be using half of it because I'll undoubtedly be on active duty by January, and two, I have to do this four days, basically two of my weekends gone. A third thing is it only qualifies for mt spokane.

I think I might consider just forking over the money if I want to ski this year. The gas to drive up there for these four days is bad enough. That, and I have other things I really do need to do with my weekends. most specifically, this weekend to make sure that I pass my class.

Kerry Honorably Discharged from Senate

-- On a day when new allegations surfaced about George W. Bush's National Guard service in 1972, Democrat presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry officially received his honorable discharge from the U.S. Senate.

The discharge, coming just four years before the end of his fourth Senate term, was granted to allow Mr. Kerry to "pursue other interests at a time when the nation has a surplus of senators," according to the official discharge letter.

Mr. Kerry immediately defended himself against charges that he had sought special treatment due to his status as a presidential candidate.

"Despite allegations that I rarely attended Senate sessions, committee hearings and votes, and that I have introduced no significant legislation in the past 20 years, this honorable discharge proves that I have fulfilled my duty to the nation," Mr. Kerry said.

The Vietnam veteran added that, "unlike Mr. Bush, I have not made my record of political leadership a campaign issue. Instead, I have stayed focused on my military service 35 years ago. After all, that's what's most important to ordinary Americans."

Scott Ott is hilarious!

In entirely different news, my goal is to get out of my unit ASAP, and do it quickly, before a new commander commeth. Because I don't want to be there when they go through that equipment and try to figure out what in the hell our Supply Sergeant did to the cage when he signed for everything in the unit.

i must get out! And I must get out before the beginning of next year!

Myself

I've been learning a lot about myself and what I like and do not like while in the learning environment.

Most specifically, while I'm in college.

I've been having difficulty motivating myself to do this school that I've been doing. I mentioned it before, but the truth is I kind of found myself thrust into college this quarter out of sheer dumb luck. I was excited at first, now I just think about it, I'm dreading it.

For one, the program I'm in is not all that exciting to me. I'm not a business person. I work retail because it pays the bills, but I wouldn't want to work in a business for the rest of my life. I had a business at one time that i shared with my family. Truthfully, I didn't like it. I have no desire to head my own business.

Maybe its because my goal in life is not to be a rich successful person. I enjoy living and having fun. I don't have any desire to be a work-a-holic, and the fact that I'm generally a practical person that isn't into the whole 'bling-bling' of material things, well, if I don't need it, I don't want it.

In other words, I want to get into a job field that i enjoy that pays the bills. That's all.

Such as the army. As much as the army frustrates me at times, truthfully I do love it. I can do this as a job and actually enjoy myself (for the most part).

I'm just horribly lost and falling behind. If I go back to school, I want to physically go back to school. I don't want to do this correspondance thing unless I'm doing a program that i really like.

I'm lost. I need some serious help. (and I'm appear to be rambling as I am pulled from this posting as I try to get some work done. Good luck)

VETERANS' DAY

How liberals do defy the mind
For nothing in theirs' can we find,
That willingly will look with reason
At how their man committed treason,
Skulked off to Paris this effete
To grovel at the Madame's feet,
Betraying his sworn officer's oath
To become the turncoat we so loathe.

Our law is clear you shall not treat
With America's foes nor their cadres meet;
Give aid nor comfort to enemy forces
Nor espouse a view from hostile sources.
Without a mandate from the state
Wherefrom your right to negotiate?
Was treason, John, and is treason still
To this very day your unpaid bill.

Don't try to hide behind your youth.
You knew the law you knew the truth.
You knew your faux negotiation
Would further tear our war-torn nation
And all for what, John, your career
So you can shameless brazen here,
And claim now that you're fit to lead
The very nation you made bleed?

And yet before us there you stand
With medals blazing you demand
Such treachery we must ignore
Your treason that lost us our war.
But hold on, John, we veterans say,
You had your turn, now comes our day.
You thought we slept, forgot your crime?
Oh no, John boy, it's come our time.

Some say let you apologize
But that won't do it in our eyes.
A man astride of each position
Could we believe your true contrition?
The vindication we'll accept
In settling up this long-held debt,
Is each of us will do his best
To deny you, John, your lifelong quest.

Listen carefully John to what we say,
November 2nd is Veterans' Day.

Russ Vaughn
2d Bn, 327th Parachute Infantry Regiment
101st Airborne Division
Vietnam 65-66


Extremely fitting. John Kerry will lose this election because of the men he betrayed in Vietnam.

In The Works

Well, I'm finally getting into some swing of things in regards to my school work at University of Phoenix (which consists primarily of online class work)

I'm planning on finishing off this year in the states, and taking advantage of every ski opportunity I can. Meanwhile going to school, working my rear off, and going active duty.

The first I need to do is get my pay information taken care of, promptly on Tuesday. Apparently my travel voucher was never submitted, because the army is threatening on taking my money back. Hmm, wouldn't know anything about that. But I better take care of it because the army is one financial institution that you don't want to be screwed over with.

Meanwhile, I'm getting this strange desire to own another pet. My primary pet in question is my strong desire to own another horse. I haven't wanted a horse in a long time until recently. And if I can go to certain army bases, I can keep a horse.

My main issues with going active duty are thus. . . can I keep my rank, what are my job options, what are the bonus incentives (and will I be forced to pay back the bonus the army paid me?), can I get into Jump School, and where am I going to be stationed? As much as I would like to travel the world, I would love to stay in the northwest, or at least in the west if I can.

Then my number one priority will be paying off my debt. My number two priority will be getting my bachelors degree. Number three priority? Er, staying out of trouble I guess. And if I still fill up to it, maybe I'll invest in another horse?

Zell

I have a small confession to make.

Zell Miller might be one of my new favorite politicians. An Old School Democrat, they don't make them like him anymore. To bad, we could use a few good politicians like that, if more democrats acted like him, I might consider myself one.

Unfortunately, his words rang very true, the democrats are losing their touch and the Mainstream Media is losing its credibility.

man, that abuse he gave Chris Matthews will go down in the history books. That was one slap in the face that I will never forget!

Go Zell! (damn, I wish HE was running for president, or something that I could vote on!!!)

Goin' Nuts

Ok, so I had a momentary lapse in my already thread bare sanity involving school. In that I don't GET it!

Ok, so they're willing to work with me, I'll hang in there a little longer.

In other news, I am now actively seeking out active duty once more. I need to get out of the 'rent's house and on my own two feet again. And I need a steady income. going active duty, even as an E4 is better then the pay I'm making now. And I might be so lucky as to land Fort Carson Colarado or Fort Lewis Washington. I just learned that I get to pick my duty station if I go. I'll keep my options open, but I think I might stick to the western states. I've grown fond of them.

Shameless Linkage

I found a couple new webpages that I like. Protest Warrior, which is a group that goes to various left wing protests and kind of demonstrates against them. Their mission pretty much states the way that I believe, as any other good conservative might believe. I wish they were more in my area, I would definitely love to take part!

The other group is Communists for Kerry, who has a secret agenda themselves. See, they aren't really communists, and they don't like Kerry. They act a lot like Protest Warrior in that they go into these groups and paint blatant pictures that if you look closely, you would realize that they are actually against Kerry.

Haha, gotta love these guys *snickers*. I have to pass on joining any group under the guise of Communists for Kerry, however, mainly due to the fact that having something like that on my record might be taken for something it isn't.

Just to satiracal websites. Gotta love it. Mostly I gotta love this ambush on the Today Show by Protest Warrior! Forget the two anchors in the foreground, just watch those people in the background! You can't miss that blatantly obvious sign and its message, portrayed to Millions on NBC!

Third site that I have to pimp for a couple of reasons, one because its another blog, and two, he knows the definition of Blue Falcon (one of my favorite terms). And oh does he speak my mind!

I'll be adding more links to my sidebar as I find them, along with other things that catch my interest.

Political Musings

You know, I'll admit it.

The more I listen to current events, the more I like Bush. The man has faults, but I can't fault his character. And the way he is handling the whole Kerry Fiasco while Kerry tries to draw him into his flailing mess, Bush just sits back and acts professionally.

My mind was made up about three months ago on who I would vote for, it has been clenched in stone now.

If you're not outraged, then you're not paying attention

I don't know who said that first, or what they said it about, but it is a true statement. Maybe because I'm one of those people that does give a damn about what's going on around me and angered because I feel powerless to stop it.

*sighs*

Anyway, I've been coming off a dry spell, one of those things where you want to draw something, but you can't becuase your burned out? Well, I'm no longer burned out. I've got an idea for a painting now, I'll post it as I work on it. I think I'm going to make a .gif of it as I go, see if I can make it work. It'll probably load to slow for most dial up connections though. I probably won't get on it for another couple of weeks.

The rain is really soothing right now. Its been raining off and on for the last few days. There is something about the rain that really does soothe me. Maybe becuase I'm such an angsty person sometimes.

Now I guess I better post something and do some homework online. I've got to post at least five times a week, on top of doing assignments. I don't know if I'm going to really like this style of teaching or not, I'm kind of sketpical at this point. Regardless, I'm going to do the best I can for this next four weeks and see if I can get it done. Three credits in five weeks. A business degree. I'm not sure how fond I am of business to tell you the truth, it was never something that really appealed to me before and I kind of got talked into it.

Truthfully, though business is not really my thing, the main reason for going back is because I really did need to get out of this rut I'm in and get back into school. It's been so long of me doing nothing but working at Hastings and sitting on my ass for the rest of the time that I felt I needed to do something productive. A year is actually a long time, come to think about it. It's to long a time to be sitting around doing nothing. I need to do something. I'm going to go about seeing about getting into Eastern Winter Quarter, unless they are on the Semester schedule as well, and I'll see if I can't get in there for the second semester if that's the case.

I really need to see what kind of degree I want to get though. I don't really want a business degree, but it is the most flexible certainly. I can do the most with it but what do I do when I get into a jobfield that I hate?

Its a lose/lose situation for me, at least that's how I feel about the matter 99% of the time.

In non-kerry news. . .

My days will now consist of me going to work, doing homework on the internet, and preparing myself to run. Preparing myself to run generally means thinking about it, planning it, trying to figure out what i need to do to accomplish it, without actually running.

What's more, my knees been bothering me again, and I can't got Airborne unless I can get my knee cooperating again.

Been painting on my easle, because i recently bought this great big easle so that I can throw my anger out on a canvas instead of other mediums (like this blog) and am looking forward to finishing up my mess on my current canvas, which includes fixing up Red, Blue and Brown. I've been working on Brown this last week, personally I think it makes a little more sense, and I was sick of people commenting on one of the figure's leg and asking if it were a penus.

No it is NOT! It's a leg! That is all.

Now I will go back to casually thinking about the rest of my course. And I really need to mail that letter back to get my medical financed. And get my financial aid deferred. And talking to Matt about getting the army to pay for the rest of my schooling *the bastards*

It's to late to send the last letter to Michalski. I knew I should have mailed it right away (blast it all)

That is enough blathering for now.

Comes With A Warning

WARNING: I will be ranting about election matters for the next 70 days, you have been warned. . .

More Democratic Hypocracy as far as I can tell.

No matter what any of the republicans say or do, the democrats seem to just fillet them alive with any libel and slander they can think of.

They call on Bush to denounce the SwiftBoat Ad. He denounces all 527 ads, putting the Democrats on the defensive. Now they accuse him of not acting fast enough.

They say they found a flier in a GOP headquarters building in Florida, but everything about that Flier proves that it was planted BY THE DEMOCRATS!!!

And let's talk about links to 527 Groups, shall we?

The Democratic Party is partnering with MoveOn.org, People for the American Way, Campaign for America's Future, and dozens of other groups representing millions of Americans to organize a massive public mobilization.

Can we say, partnership of the DNC with 527s???????? HYPOCRACY HYPOCRACY!!!

Democrats are all for the Freedom of Speech. Oh, the Swifties put out a damaging book based on eyewitness fact which is supurbly documented, LET'S BAN IT!

Wait, none of these men served on John Kerry's boat meaning they didn't serve with John Kerry! None of their words matter!

Oh, this Rood fellow gives a crediting account to John Kerry, except for one minor discrepency. HE WAS ON ANOTHER BOAT!!! But because his account favors John Kerry, we'll accept it as gospel. Except for his account actually CONFIRMS Unfit for Command rather then dispel it!

And the media is just rolling over this? The media is jumping all over Kerry's bandwagon and ignoring the facts, that all of this would be resolved if Kerry would sign a DD Form 180 and release his military records, just like they hounded Bush to do for so long. And Bush wasn't even running on his records! Kerry is! Becuase Kerry made it such an issue, I say release his records.

That, and I'm curious as to where Kerry was from '70-'72, when he was supposedly in the NAVAL RESERVE!!! Bush going AWOL??? That's what the democrats are saying. It looks like Kerry was doing the same!

MEDIA BIAS, MEDIA BIAS! It's written all over the place. Everyone is attacking Bush and throwing this back in Bush's face when it has NOTHING TO DO WITH BUSH! This is a personal issue between the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth and John Kerry.

Amazing how a little grass roots effort who has had one major political donor linked to Bush (and about a few thousand others contributing anywhere from $5-$1,000) when you can't ignore the links to the Democrats and the 527s everywhere you look. And they've thrown at least $60 million at Bush. These Swifties have thrown about $500,000 at Kerry. And the Media just rolls over like they're Kerry's lap dog. Tells you one reason why I don't bother with the media. I read what they have to say, I read the swifties counterpoint, and I can't help but see the facts laying blaringly obvious in front of me. Believe me, I entered this fray with an open mind and looking at all sides of the issues.

What about Micheal Moore? He's classified as a 527 and he's got prime seating at the Democratic National Convention!

What burns me up about this mess is the blatant hypocracy shown by the democratic party towards this.

These men are not about republicans or democrats. They are about one thing only. Exposing John Kerry. Their evidence is pretty intense, if people would just take a moment and look at it. (people being MainStreamMedia)

I dare anyone and everyone to read through Unfit for Command with an open mind, take it for what it is, and you might find yourself surprised. This is Kerry's word against theirs. And Kerry's word is turning more and more discredited. But the Media won't see that. They have stood by their word. Kerry has not. His story has only changed half a dozen times. I can not see past this, I will continue to rant about it until it is viewed in an objectional manner and taken seriously.

I think the office of the presidency deserves at least that. If they can test Bush and rake him over the coals over the smallest little discrepency, they should do the same with Kerry.

SIGN THE 180 Kerry! What are you trying to hide from us?

The Latest on Lurking News

I haven't been doing a whole lot lately, mostly lurking. I don't usually follow news stories very much but I have been following the Swift Vets story very closely, and until I get a solid story from the Kerry campaign refuting their claims, instead of just trying to make excuses and retell their story five different ways (all together now, everyone say CAMBODIA!), all I've been doing is lurking at the Swift Vets forum and surfing the net for anything I can find about this whole mess.

I personally think it is a valid argument against Kerry's character. He keeps telling us about how he plans on making things better as president, I have so far failed to hear what those plans might be. The man has no story to stand on. The democrats were fools for electing him.

They would have been far better off with Dean or even Lieberman (i happen to really LIKE Lieberman and if he had gotten the nomination, I would still be undecided and probably would have ended up voting for him).

I still stand by my statement that I hate Politics. But I have an intense interest in it.

Right now, anybody who says their voting for John Kerry due to ABB (anybody but bush), is a flippen' idiot. And I will stand by those words. I honestly don't care if those words are directed at friends of mine or people I know. Most people I know who are voting for Kerry are due to their intense dislike for Bush or that they are just plain yellow dog democrats (ignorant son of a bitches).

If they are voting for Kerry because they are voting for Kerry, then I take that back. But I don't see how anybody who dwelves into this story can possibly vote for John Kerry after the overwhelming evidence against him. Unless they happen to be taking the Media's word for it. And we all know how trustworthy the Media can be. *blah!*

I can't see how anybody can actually want John Kerry to be president. And yes, I have read the Swiftee's book. I would suggest reading it before you discredit it. Like most of the news media has not been doing.

Airborne!

I have a mission now. A mission in which I need to stay motivated beyond all costs to get myself into peak shape so that I can earn my wings.

Apparently, due to the fact that the US army is stretched pretty thin, slots for Airborne School are up in the yingyang and anybody who can pass the physical and wants a shot at earning those wings can try to get them. Even folks in Army Reserve Units with no Airborne Slots.

So now, on my blog, I will post a little icon, which includes a message to myself, so that I can remember what my goal is.

My goal is to pass Airborne School. In order to pass Airborne School, I need to get myself into top physical condition before I go. That means I need to get my ass up in the morning to run every day.

I want this, I can do this, i just got to keep myself motivated long enough to make it happen. If i'm lucky, maybe I can get one of those slots in November or December. . . I just gotta keep myself in check to do so.

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this!

Scourge of Politics

I guess I better watch what I say or else this will be a political blog, but I really can't help myself.

I feel that Kerry has been digging his own grave, and the democrats were fools for nominating him as their choice for presidential candidate. The man has no morals, no backbone, and apparently he's starting to break under pressure. I can't help but laugh at this pathetic attempt for him to defame one of the few 527 groups that seems to be working against him.

From a 527 group that has an agenda that for once appears to be personal rather then political.

I've been watching the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth for about a month now, more so recently then ever before. I even bought their book.

Even if half of what they say is true and the other half is bogus, I am fearful of seeing this man elected as my Commander in Chief. The whole thing is his fault however, it was his decision to run for president based on his fishy Vietnam Service Record as opposed to actual concrete actions in his Senate Career, mostly because his Senate Career is a joke.

I guess he thought he could rely on people's adament hatred for President Bush to pull him through. The problem is, anybody voting for a candidate because they hate the other candidate shouldn't be wasting America's time by voting so ignorantly (and I feel a lot of people I know are voting this way). What does John Kerry have to prove for himself? Nothing!

What does Bush have to prove? Well, at least I can say he is a man of his word, he does what he says he will do. Maybe he didn't tell us all the truth, but I don't think he outright lied to the American People. I can respect Bush, I can't say the same for Hanoi John Kerry.

And being a member of the military, Kerry's actions following his service in Vietnam is really striking a chord with me, and it ain't one he should be striking. And I have a feeling if a lot of other Veterans look closer at him and his record, they would see the same.

I think that's what's happening now.

More News from the Political Front

Please pass this by if you don't want to be forced into thinking about how to vote this upcoming election. . .

Kerry is blasting the groups Swift Boat Veterans For Truth for their 'smear campaign' against him, as the fact that their book 'Unfit for Command' has become a best seller and they can't be exactly ignored anymore like the media has been doing left and right.

So, basically Kerry is saying that the Swift Vets don't have a right to voice their opinion on what is going on in the Kerry Front, however, obviously Kerry gives Micheal Moore box seats at the Democratic National Convention which is basically stating that Micheal Moore has every right to put a smear record on the Bush front. Moore's movie Fahrenheit 9/11 is a documentary on the conspiracy theories that Micheal Moore believes is going on in the Bush White House. So he has documented claims.

So does the Swift Boat Vets, in fact they were eye witnesses to what went on in VietNam. They have already forced Kerry to come clean about his lies in being in Cambodia in Christmas (which was a pretty big lie if you ask me), which makes me want to ask, what else did Kerry lie about? It sounds like he has been lying about a lot of things. And putting a big fat smear record on our vets after he got back is something I'm not about to forgive him for.

If Kerry wants to silence the Swift Vets for their Smear Campaign, he better do the same thing to MoveOn.Org, which means silencing a person's freedom of speech.

This looks like blatant hypocracy to me.

Meet Chuck

So, what's the news today?

I signed into school yesterday, so I'm preparing to start this next week. Its just a general business class, kind of expensive considering the thing's going to cost me about $700, but its a start to getting back into school. I'm going through University of Pheonix for now, they've got me started on a business degree, maybe this will buy me some time before I transfer to Eastern later, or else maybe the army will have some more definite news for me.

All I have to do is finish the Financial Aid and get a letter from my commander (I'm not really counting on this) but I only have to take the class for two days and the rest is all online. I'm not sure how much I'm going to like this format to tell you the truth. I'm really bad at doing things correspondance and I actually like to be in school full time.

I guess I'm having second thoughts but we'll see!

Meanwhile, totally revamped Creature so that it kind of mirrors this site.

I've gotten some positive feedback from it so far, it was a bit boring before, being all white and blah. I kind of like the look now.

Such a Dirty Sport

I'm feeling a little frustrated lately in regards to my personal and political beliefs. I wish I didn't feel so strongly about politics, but I do. And it drives me crazy.

See, I could never be a politician myself. I would never want to hold an office like that and preside over any part of the country. I second guess myself to much. But I wish more people would think before they voted.

My main problem with this current presidential election is I feel to many people are voting for Kerry because they don't like Bush. I personally think that this is a bullshit reason for voting for anybody. If you vote against somebody without researching the person you're voting for, you may vote a worse person into office.

I've done my research on both candidates, and quite frankly, I'm not going to tell people how to vote. that's up to them. But bloody hell! There are so many people who have this personal vengeance against Bush that they feel anybody is better then him!

Has anybody done any research on Kerry? I mean, where does this man stand on any issue? The thing is, he doesn't! I don't get it!

I posted a rather angsty and angry post in my live journal about John Kerry in the hopes that somebody would reply to me or at least give me a good debate on who John Kerry is, as everyone in my livejournal will probably be voting along the left of the ticket this fall. I had one biter, who didn't really even comment along the lines that I wanted to.

Are people so ignorant these days to just turn a blind eye to what is going on around them? I don't get LiveJournal because half the time I don't know what to write there, sometimes people will actually post replies to what I have to say and half the time I just feel like everyone is to chicken to take me up on something. Which is one of the reasons I just go off and privatize most of my entrees, because I don't see the point of posting there. I saw LiveJournal as a possibility for a debate forum, and though I never really got into debate in highschool, about htis time of year I enjoy getting into some really heated discussions on politics that will cause at least somebody to think. I don't know, if I got at least one person on my LJ to think about what I said, maybe it wasn't such a waste afterall to alienate the rest of them.

I guess politics can be a dirty sport.

Today At Work. . .

Today at work was probably the most interesting day I've had in a long, long time. And I was only there for five hours.

We had a guy stuff a shirt down his pants (when Monika told us that what he was doing, I thought she said he was whacking off to the porn!) and his crack head girlfriend tried to sell our movies back to us. They were still in the wrapping, the tags were just visibly torn off.

Idiot.

They also didn't schedule any front end associates. All day. So it would have just been me on a friday until the next manager came in. So we called in a surplus amount of people from another store and got them to work. We got so much crap taken care of! Damn it felt good!

When I was in the office, I took a phone call and decided to help the guest with a movie, when I stepped back to look on the computer, I tripped over a box and fell on my ass, dropped the phone and made a pretty good mess. I laughed at myself after it. It feels good to laugh.

Oh, and we gave out free ice cream, like we did last friday, but nobody wanted it. Last Friday, everyone was renting movies because it was so miserable out. And because it was so cold, nobody would take our free icecream that we were handing out on Fridays through the month of August. Today it was so hot out that nobody wanted to rent movies. So I think we got stuck with more ice cream.

I had two ice cream sandwiches myself. They weren't that great, and were kind of melting all over the place, but hey! They were free!

And I bought a couple of new CDs in support of the CD industry. With them came another free CD and a free Music Video DVD. I couldn't resist. Los Lonely Boys and Evanescence (i finally broke down and bought it, I've been waiting for it to come out used forever, but i kept missing it. And I got a free DVD for buying it new. :|

Then I came home and played Rummy with my mom and brother with Scooby Doo playing cards. Before i went to work, I had found a new Kerry website that makes me loathe the man even more (i hear plenty of the anti bush rhetoric, I wanted to know what the other side had to say)

Politics is just a nasty game. But it's a great site, with lot's of good jokes!

Needs Something. . .

I need to make more icons. My blog is boring and I need to liven it up a bit. I've said this before, but I'll say it again. I'm going to start using Icons more becuase Icons are fun and they make things more interesting.

That's my unit's motto. I love the bloody dancing hamster, I couldn't resist. Check out my links page and you can blow the hamsters up!

Ignore the fact that the hamster seems to be humping the words.

Greatest Quote Ever

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing in which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important then his personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made so and kept so by the exertions of better men then himself."
John Stuart Mill (1806-1873)

Oh The Agony!!!

It's getting to be that time of week again.

Yes, that time of week where I sit on my ass and make a list of things I need to do. In fact, I need to make a list of things I need to do for tomorrow. There really isn't a whole lot of things I need to do, just a few things. And because lists really retain no interest to anyone other then myself, I'll attempt to keep it short. And then I'll find something else to talk about.

• Call Hospital financing place and see if they ever got my bills covered.
  
• Call Physicians Union and do the same as above (pay off if necessary, all I need now is some collections agency after my ass)
  
• Buy an Easle (my one last splurge, I promise, since Chuck was such an impulse)
  
• Call a certain colonol in the military. I won't name names, but if I can get an answer from this person that I want, I will scratch the above note.
  
• Find out about this travel voucher I just got and find out if it is correct, becuase it sure don't sound right.
  
• Clean the room (I have come to notice that this makes every list I do.)
  
• revamp Creature, so it mirrors this website (kind of like what I did with Magic

Like I said, a rather short little one.

Meanwhile, I'm having issues trying to talk some sense into my conscience. See, I know I don't always act like I am, but I am rather compassionate at heart. I can easily bash a generic person(like a faceless one), but I am not confrontational and I'm very sympathetic to people in sincere need. especially if I can relate.

Like, the other day I had to get something taken care of on my qwest bill and I called in a little upset. I chewed the person on the phone out and I felt deeply ashamed of myself later. When I blow up on people, it really gnaws on me for days at a time, unless they were a complete jackass and truely deeply deserved it. But I mean, sometimes I can be a heinous bitch and I do not like myself afterwards. Why do I have to be like that?

But I'm a total softy too. I can be very giving and compassionate if I want to be. The only problem is, when I was younger, I was so to a fault. And I got taken advantage of and withdrew because of it, so it makes me so hesitant to help somebody who really does need the help. How can I really give of myself and help somebody without being taken advantage of again? It feels good to help, but it hurts when somebody stabs you in the back, or worse, doesn't even notice your efforts?

I hate these dilemmas I must suffer with myself.

*meanwhile, I'm thinking of adding my archives back on, only to notice that my archives aren't working. Blast it all*

My First Gun Show

This morning, around 7ish. . .

Me - zzz. . .
Phone - *ring ring!*
Me - *picks up phone* "'ello"
Jared - "Hey Kami, you awake?"
Me - *grunt*
Jared - "What are you doing today?"
Me - "I have to pick up something at nine. Why?"
Jared - "Wanna go to a gun show with me today?"
Me - *grunt* "maybe. I'm kind of asleep, why don't you ask me later."

At around 8:30, I finally woke up, and got talked into going into a gunshow. Never been to one before.

Four hours later, I came home with an AK-47 to go with the ammo that was given to me (yes, I bought a rifle to match my ammunition), and a membership to a magazine called Woman's Outlook, which I must say, has one of the funniest pictures in it I've seen of a woman modeling a rifle slung over her shoulder in a mirror. Kind of like she was thinking to herself "does this Carbine match my sweater?"

Oh, and with it came a one year membership to the NRA.

Hey, what can I say? I like firearms.

Still updating. . .

Little by little, I'll have all these things up. And actually worded right too. . .

My only problem is Norton Internet Security doesn't like to be compatible to my website.

Updated Website

Or at least, I'm in the process of updating it so it's all nice and uniform. Including the Blog, which usually looks different.

Ignore the circle for now. It's kind of a place holder for when I get this thing looking the way I want it to look for now.

My only problem is those little boxes to the left. I honestly don't know what to stick in them. I had this plan and now I don't know if it's going to work or not. I guess I'll figure it out later.

For now, well, my site is slowly but surely being updated so it looks better.

Now the main question of the day. What should I call it? becuase I don't want to call it risawn.com.

Catchin' Up

Well, onto my 'to do' list, which consists of a lot of little things that are really not that important. And the first thing on my list?

Updating the site. I want the entire site to look half way decent and appealing to those people who wish to paruse it. And honestly, in my opinion, it's boring. And ugly.

I've got tomorrow off, and I don't have to be to work until 5 on Friday. If I can do something constructive like Clean the Room on the side, maybe I can get away with updating the layout to my site. As well as adding a few other things.

In other news, I have recently been introduced to something called Red vs Blue, and I'm hooked.

Final Decision for a 'Swing Voter'

I've made a final decision about the upcoming presidential election, considering I was having an issue as to who I would vote for. I can tell you one thing for certain, however.

I will NOT vote for John Kerry. And if he is elected, I will not reenlist. Becuase I think I would have a problem calling this man Commander in Chief.

Bush has plenty of faults, but believe it or not, I think I will take four more years of him then four years of Kerry.

And people have been prone to calling Bush a liar as of late. Kerry's starting to make me want to hurl.

Ok, short mood swing is over

*breathes a large sigh of relief*

Ahhhhhh. . . (bloody monday after nice relaxing vacation)

Posted pictorial evidence of my trip in my LJ, because I posted some of the pictures for the sake of some people on my Friend's List (namely Jes and Sheena, and a few of the more mutual friends between us) as well as some pictures of me doing my army thing.

I'll just refer you to the post, because I won't privatize it any time soon.

Now I'm looking at my list that I posted before I took off for training. *thinking, thinking*

I'll get to that before the week is over. So it's not TOTAL procrastination.

Looking Inward

Well, back from my two and a half week vacation. . . and it feels good to be home.

I always say home is where your stuff is. And I got a lot of stuff.

Anyway, I have some things to bring up about my trip, but some of it will have to wait. I'll have pictures and stuff up later.

Meanwhile, I discovered that I am extremely sensative sometimes. I need to grow a backbone and finally realize that indeed no, the world and everyone else's lives do NOT revolve around me.

Unfortunately, i've gotten used to the fact that often times my participation in events is often times overlooked. The first time it really happened where I noticed it was Senior Year in high school. I participated in this whole Leadership Camp thing where you're supposedly supposed to get really close to these people around you that are in your same group and totally bond.

Well, one thing I had learned back at Leadership Camp is I really don't like myself that much. And apparently other people find me forgetable. When we did a little project, we were given scenerios in which under certain circumstances, we could only have one person in our group do this event with us. There were about a dozen or so people in our group, we were given about a dozen scenerios, and everyone went around the group saying who they would want to be with in case this or this happened.

I guess it was supposed to make you feel good about yourself when other people chose you for whatever reasons due to your strengths or what not. Only one small detail to behold.

My name was not mentioned once by any of the other people throughout the entire excercise. And it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I guess it's one of those things where a part of you really wants to matter to other people, that you have a purpose to the rest of the world and your interaction actually means something.

I continually doubt myself, I don't trust myself with people, and I guess I just withdraw because I don't like to find myself in those situations. How did this stark contrast between my child hood, adolescence and adulthood come about? Why is there no consistancies between these three events?

Why do i keep hating myself?

Concert

Holy crap I'm a sucker. . .

Last Minute Concert Details since I'm in the Area

Ok, so plans tomorrow include a trip to Wild Waves in Federal Way and then an evening at a concert I signed up for last minute. But I swore that if I ever got a chance to see Alanis Morissette in concert that I would not hesitate to go. I mean, she's probably one of my all time favorite artists. . .

So I just have to hope I don't fry again at the water slides and then I turn around and go to a concert and then expect to get up in the morning to learn more about little crawly beasts. . .

I'm actually enjoying my time here to tell you the truth. I've been having all of these thoughts on what I want to do with the United states army, I'll have to keep you posted on where I go with that.

I haven't had very many opportunities to really post to my blog since I've been here, the computers here actually aren't very good, (well, actually, this particular one is), so I've been posting to my Live Journal. I don't know why, becuase almost every post I've posted there I privatized within a couple days. Honestly I don't know why I keep that live journal, I keep telling myself I'm going to kill it and I never do.

I guess I'm just indecisive. I gotta go buy some pop cans now for wild waters.

The Notorious To-Do List

I need to make another list. Just a wee little one. It's a list of things I need to do once I get back from my 2 week vacation in Ft Lewis.

1. Get Paycheck from Work and Deposit (I will REALLY be needing the money by that time)
   
2. Unpack from trip
   
3. Redo Website (becuase it was supposed to be temporary from the start and I bloody hate it)
   
4. Clean Room
   
5. Paint Room
   
6. Look into buying Easle (this is a big maybe, We'll see)
   
7. Update Webcomic, which will be in a soar need of updating and repair)
   
8. Hopefully know something about the nature of the army in regards to the unit.
   
9. Fix a workout regime that I can stick with.
   
10. Stick to said workout regime.
    
11. Find something to do with massive paintings that are starting to get on my nerves.

I'll be adding more. But meanwhile, that will have to do.

Downsides of Hobbies

I don't know what to do with myself.

My face is on fire and looks like my body may have gained like thirty pounds or something because it's all bloated. That should teach me that I shouldn't go snowboarding in the middle of July without sunscreen on. Regardless, I look hideous and I decided not to go downtown Portland today on account of the fact that my skin is rather burnt and I don't want it go get worse. I just caked the aloe vera on it but I don't know if it is getting any better. It just seems to be getting worse actually. *sighs* I wish I could have gone to Portland though. I hope my face is doing better tomorrow.

snowboarding was fun Despite that. I didn't realize until afterward that I was going down a Black Diamond all day. To tell you the honest truth, I don't think it was a black diamond, probably a blue square. And what they classified as Blue Squares looked more like Greens. What's interesting is they billed their free style park as a Blue, and Freestyle is definitely Black Diamond area.

Maybe the summer months dumb it down a bit?

But anyway, this stupid sunburn is ruining my vacation. And it ends tomorrow so I just get to spend my saturday sleeping and doing pretty much nothing.

Maybe I'll go see a movie later or something? Just to get out.

Another To Do List

I got another to do list running. . . I love these stupid things, I know they must bore most everyone else to tears.

• Change Oil
  
• Clean Car
  
• Travel Voucher
  
• Promotion Packet
  
• Clean Room - it's still a disaster, got it a little picked up however.
  
• Round up Camping Gear and call Eto to confirm.
  
• Reservations at CampGround in Portland. (there not fifteen minutes away from my sister's place.)
  
• Get a hold of Heta (well, we had something going back and forth.)
  
• Get out snowboarding equipment I am now sunburned. . .
  
• Six Comics (three will remained Uncolored) - I ended up only doing three. Shame on me!
  
• Finish Correspondence Courses (three left, to do by 17th!) I did two, the third I can't do because I can't read it.
  
• Pay for Newspaper
  
• Online Bill pay for the massive numbers of bills I need to take care of.
  
• Request August 1st off
  
• Wash all remaining uniforms
  
• Pack for the next two and a half weeks
  
• Recharge Battery in Camera - that was easy, I just brought the charger with me. . .
  
• Clean out all of the memory sticks for Camera (didn't, oops)
  
• Apply at Kaiser something my dad wanted me to do, I did it last minute and forgot to add it to the list before.
  
• HIt the road

This should be rather fun. Can't wait!

the previous post has been rendered inaccurate

I won't know for certain where I stand in the army deployment rotations until September is over.

You gotta love this indecisive nature of the army, or rather, two entities of the army known as FORSCOM and USARC, who apparently are at war with each other.

This makes for interesting things in the realm of Unit Readiness.

The latest news from the army just in

I ain't goin' anywhere. at least, nowhere over the pond.

This is both a good thing and a bad thing. *sighs* Now I really have to go looking for another job becuase my current employer really aint cuttin' it.

Science Experiments with Rifles and Shoplifters

I witnessed a rather interesting scientific phenomenom today, or experiment, or whatever, consisting of a coffee can, some water, a quarter, a flat metal surface, and a high power rifle.

You take the flat metal surface, place it down range, put a quarter on top of it, put a coffee can on top of that, fill it with water, seal it with the coffee lid, go uprange, put a bullet in your rifle, and shoot. It makes for a very nice explosion. When you go back to get what's left of your coffee can, you'll notice that the quarter has been indented quite nicely into the bottom, leaving an imprint to such detail that you can actually see the mint of the quarter.

That 270 is a blast to fire, it gives a bit of a kick however.

In other news, yesterday, instead of celebrating the fourth of july the traditional way as any good american should, I ended up working, closing the store down. We were pretty dead so I thought that we would get out of there rather quickly.

Unfortunately, right as I was heading to the office to take my lunch, a girl decided to sneak out of the store with some of our merchandise in her pocket. And I experienced firsthand how to apprehend a shop lifter.

And unfortunately for me, I was the senior ranking person in the store. It was left to me to call the cops, get the information, and tell this girl that she was no longer allowed in the store. At first she denied ever stealing anything, but she finally just admitted it when the cop started really grilling her (it was pretty obvious that the items were part of our inventory).

It was really interesting. I guess I have a tendency to want to believe people, that they are telling the truth, but this girl was flat out lying through her teeth at first, and her lie just got more and more exagerated on how she had brought the items in the store with her. I myself have always been an honest person, it is probably one of my best qualities, I have never stolen anything in my life. I can't understand how people can do it.

When she finally admitted she was shoplifting, the girl opened up and told us about her past and everything, and basically how she was messed up.

Sad, really.

Ah, bliss

I have exactly six days in a row in which I work. I'm just awaiting the time when I get to work today where I'll be asked to stay until four. I'm scheduled until 12:30. I know I'll be staying til four. I guess I should complain, but still. It would be nice to commence with a little thing I call LIFE!

I need to find out the information on Mt Hood, becuase people aren't getting back to me and I honestly don't give a damn where I go as long as there is snow on the mountain.

my work is going to get the best of me one of these days

I have found that I don't mind my job however. Sometimes I can't stand it, but for the most part, I do like my job. And I'm easy to please. If I dont' get very many hours one week, I make do and find other things to do instead of work (usually I end up sleeping). If I have good hours, then I just work my tail off and ignore the fact that I wouldn't mind having some kind of life on the side. Oh well, it's all good.

I also have a strong tendency to pick up hours. Seems most people call me first. Today I picked up another shift and then I discovered I didn't feel very good. Bah. Tomorrow I work an opening morning shift and then I got four days in a row off.

I have to find something to do for four days in a row. I think i'm going to go bike the hiawatha. If I can get over in that direction that is.

Universal Healthcare

Ok, one thing that Kerry is pushing that I don't agree with is universal healthcare, and I'll tell you why.

Many chronic illnesses that people suffer in our day and age are caused by acts of their own doing. Some people participate in lifestyles and acts that are proven damaging to ones health. For some reason, they think that because they have the freedoms to act in these manners, they demand the right to be treated for them when they get ill.

You know how much money we blow on healthcare for people who take part in dangerous acts that caused an illness that requires medical treatment? The key word here is preventable illness, see. We spend a lot of money on these people. And the thought of that really does infuriate me. Grr. . .

I do agree on Healthcare for people with genetic illness, an illness aquired through no fault of their own, and children.

You would be surprised by how much money we could save if we spent money on prevention instead of treatment. Prevention is much cheaper then treatment, but it is often less popular because to educate people about dangerous acts makes people think that the government is impeding on their freedoms. Hey, here's and idea for you. We'll educate you on the damaging nature of what you are doing and what the risks are if you participate on these acts, you go ahead and choose to do them or not, and if you get caught with a massive doctors bill due to something you did, you need to be aware that you were warned before hand and now you get to pay the costs. Sucks to be you. Deal with it.

Maybe I'm just heartless or cruel, but that just bugs me.

Summer Solstace

Ah, the longest day of the year. One of these days, I am going to specifically ASK for this day off and enjoy it from sun up until sun down, by doing things that are outside in the sun.

Just not today. No, I have to go to work. I'm leaving here in a second.

Ramblings of an Insomniac

I have been suffering from insomnia lately. I've been averaging about six hours of sleep at night this week, and last night I got to bed around 3 and woke up at 7. And I'm still awake and not in the least bit sleepy.

Ok, maybe a little.

This is saying something because a couple weeks ago I was in the mood to go to bed around nine or ten and get up when I had to, go to work, come home, pass out for a noonday nap and then get up and do something or whatever. Wait, this was last week. Now this week I'm actually not taking my mid day naps, which are honestly annoying and rather pointless. I mean, I can't think of what could possibly be a bigger waste of time then sleeping.

Anyway, I'm on one of my little cycles where I don't feel like sleeping. I've always been more of a night owl. I'll probably stay up pretty late tonight doing who knows what and sleep in tomorrow, considering its the first day this week where I'm not opening my store.

Man I've been in this really strange mood lately. I used to love movies, i still buy them every now and then (mostly because I get a great discount on them if I get them used, which is how I usually buy them) but I find these are more of a waste of time as well. I'm not really into any sitcoms or anything else on TV currently, well, other then Freaks and Geeks, a new little quirk of mine which is kind of odd because its a canceled tv show that only lasted one season, which is really a pity because it was actually a good show.

But my mind has really been bothering me lately. See, I've been having memory problems for a while now, recalling things and so on, especially books, and just things in my past. It is really annoying me, becuase one of the precious things I have found about life is the memories you take with you of the things you have done. But what point is it to do things if you're memory of the event is a complete wreck three weeks down the road? This is really bothering me that I have trouble recalling some facts when my mind used to be sharp as a tack. Is it related to my memory loss back in January? Or is it something entirely different?

Why do i have to be so broody?

Transferring into Another Phase

I've been reading the whole harry potter series, down to book 5, and made a startling discovery about myself and it.

I think I'm reading it for the last time. Yes, of course I'll be reading book 6 and 7, but I don't think I'll be reading books 1-5 to catch up on the series once it comes out.

I think I'll graduate to more adult fare, I started Catch 22 and stalled after the first chapter. After Order of Pheonix, I think I'll finish where I left off.

Independent Films

I just discovered that I have a love for independant films. I mean, if you look at the stereotypical hollywood produced film, it seems to always follow the same basic formula, which has caused me to not want to watch a lot of movies as of late. Most of these films seem to be concerned with special effects and nonstop action that kind of leaves you dizzy.

I heard about Osama during the academy awards, the first movie to come out of Afghanistan since the fall of the Taliban, and it shook me. People may complain of its slow paced nature, but I found that the movie was flawless to me. I cannot say that I particularly enjoyed the film, it is difficult to enjoy something so depressing as a story of a young girl trying to survive during the height of the taliban, but it was definitely a movie I would recommend to anybody.

And what's more, it was free! I knew I saved those credits for a reason.

"Praevenio Morbus"

I found a new favorite saying!

Livejournal

I don't know what it is about LiveJournal, I keep swearing to myself that I'm just going to destroy the bloody thing but I never do. Hmm. . . So I go ahead and post there anyway, except for the system is so bogged down 90% of the time that I keep getting the message "Page Cannot Be Displayed." What is that? Gimme a break! Grr!

There are several reasons why I really don't like LiveJournal. I don't know why I keep bringing it up either. It never changes anything.

Gary Jules Rocks my Socks! I'm pobably going to say that for a while too. Now I have to go to bed because I picked up an extra 12 hours this week for worka nd I have to open tomorrow. I'm such a sucker. . .

Rant Against the Other Journal

I don't know what it is about LiveJournal, I keep swearing to myself that I'm just going to destroy the bloody thing but I never do. Hmm. . . So I go ahead and post there anyway, except for the system is so bogged down 90% of the time that I keep getting the message "Page Cannot Be Displayed." What is that? Gimme a break! Grr!

There are several reasons why I really don't like LiveJournal. I don't know why I keep bringing it up either. It never changes anything.

Gary Jules Rocks my Socks! I'm pobably going to say that for a while too. Now I have to go to bed because I picked up an extra 12 hours this week for worka nd I have to open tomorrow. I'm such a sucker. . .

The Perfect Man

You know, I came up with another name for myself. It is called, List Junkie.

I'm thinking of a list of things I want to do once I get out of the army. Things I couldn't do because of the army.

Not that the list is to long, but still, I think I need to add to it. The number one thing I'm going to do is something funky with my hair. And I mean like really funky. I'm not certain what though, becuase honestly, by the time I do get out of the military, I'll be, what, 25? Perhaps even 27?

I may be a little to old for things like that.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about the opposite sex. You know, the people who have different anatomical features from myself? And I was thinking about what my ideal guy would be.

Which is kind of wierd to think about, because I probably wouldn't know him if I saw him. I mean, there was this guy in high school that really liked me but I wasn't ready for anything yet, and I look back on him now and think "what was I thinking? He was totally the coolest guy, why didn't I clutch onto him more?"

Well, he's married with a kid, so he's out of the running. I'm not some kinky slut into married men, they are considered OFF LIMITS.

Anyway, what I would like in a guy.

• I want him to be a GUY. - yes, a given. I mean, come on, some girls are into the whole thing of a guy being sweet and sensitive and romantic and charming and all that other crap. Being the anti romantic, I actually am attracted to guys for what they are. Guys. I mean, if the guy is too sensitive, I have a fear that he has homosexual tendencies, and although I have plenty of friends that are homosexuals, for the obvious reasons, I don't see them as dating material. I like to be certain that my guy is actually into me. In other words, for my guy, if he's into video games and sports, then I'm all for that. I expect that of guys. Its what guys do!
  
• Gung ho - Even though I don't act on it as much as I would like to, I really like a guy who is a thrill seeker. You know the kind, the ones who are in the mountain dew commercials. There, that is my kind of guy!
  
• Somewhere between 5'5" and 6' - I don't like my guys towering over me, but then again, I don't wish to tower over them either. I think 6' feet would be my max height, and then I start to get a little intimidated. No thank you. Short guys are ok, as long as they are compatible with my 5'4" frame.
  
• Body Type - lean and toned. Ok, I'm not into the muscle guys that have no necks. No really, I'm not. (but if I met the right guy and he was like that, I'd take him anyway, looks aren't everything, I dig personality more.) I like guys who are kind of just average, but a toned upper body is a plus. I go weak at the knees and start drooling. Because I am a big fan of a guys' upper body. It's dead sexy!
  
• Moral Standing - Ok, because of the way I was raised, and the fact that it kind of stuck, I would like a guy who was honest and if we happened to one day be married, I would be it. I have a lot of trouble trusting people, and infidelity would be a big downer for me, I don't know how i could take it. I would like to have a guy who sees a lot of the same with me as I do with him. Plus, I play hard to get and I'm not into a guy who only thinks about the next time he'll be laid. Unfortunately, I fear this contradicts with my first tick mark in dealing with my guy. Anyway, my morals are kind of etched into who I am. That's kind of an important thing for me when dealing with somebody I may foresee spending the rest of my life with.
  
• Drug use minimal - I understand that we all make mistakes, a lot of people experiment and try things, and I'm willing to look past all that. This one kind of goes with the one above in a lot of ways. If somebody has done some things in the past, well, as long as it stays in the past, I'm ok if he's done some things he probably shouldn't have. As long as he didn't do anything that he's prone to relapse into. I would also prefer somebody who didn't make a living out of, say, the porn industry. That would be going a little to far, and coincide with Moral Standing.
  
• Looks - Really, to tell you the honest truth, looks don't really cut it for me. Sure, if I dated a guy who was all looks and a killer bod, he better have a personality to match. I'm much more into a personality that rocks then a guy who is only into himself and nothing else.
  
• Financial - Ok, I'm not a gold digger. I don't care if a guy makes a hundred grand a year or if he's working a blue collar job just trying to earn a living. The point is, I'm more impressed that he's actually trying to make it and do something for himself. If he still lives at home, he better have a decent excuse for it (because hey! I still live at home for crying out loud! I can't be a hypocrit here!) But still, I'm not a demanding person and I don't care about driving a brand new car and living in a big house on the hill. money does not make me happy, I'm more into being in the company of another human being who shares some of the same likes and dislikes that I enjoy, and would rather spend money doing things then buying things to show off. That's all nothing else. Just as long as we make enough to pay the bills and put food in our mouths and a roof over our heads, I'm ok with that. And then we can buy a few things on the side just to go places and have some fun.
  
• Political - He needs to be a moderate liberal to conservative. I don't want an extreme conservative. I would go nuts. And I don't think we'd go far if he was very far to the left either. Even if we vowed to not talk politics, it is inevitable that we would eventually get into political discussions and I have a tendency to talk politics. I would appreciate not having to worry about pissing off my significant other.
  
• Religion - Erm, it would be nice if he were Mormon, because I was raised mormon. But seeing how I'm not the staunchiest follower of the mormon faith and haven't been for some time now, I wouldn't want to have to worry about impressing his family or living up to his expectations of sainthood trying to make it to the celestial kingdom. Truthfully, I've been in a questioning phase for a while now. It would be tough to live with a guy who's been on the straight and narrow all of his life and never faltered far. If he's not mormon, I just hope he's not in a faith that is out to recruit every living person on the face of the earth like, well, like the mormons do. Because I don't want to have to worry about that. I'd rather date an agnostic.
  
• Race - This is some place where I'm entirely open. Race knows no bounderies with me, just as long as he doesn't follow the stereotypical race patterns of, well, take any minority and put it next to its stereotype. Er, no. For one, I'd rather be able to understand what he says.
  
• Education - High school diploma would be nice. College degree would be great, just the show that he's out for the betterment of himself is a plus. But bear in mind, I'd rather him get a degree in a field that makes hardly any money and love what he does then him to get a degree in something that he hates, make a ton of money, and be miserable. But if the right guy came along, hey, I'm open if he's at least tried the college thing. Or made a shot at some viable career. I'm into military guys by the way. I think they are dead sexy.
  
• Perfect date would be a game of LaserTag, or snowboarding - No, I'm serious. I think dinner and a movie is fine and all, dinner's a great time to talk, but I really enjoy somebody's company who enjoys doing the things I like to do. And I'm a tomboy at heart, always have been, always will be. I enjoy getting out there and doing things, like camping and stuff. I would love my honemoon to be in Canada out in the wilderness.
  
• Snowboarder a Plus - I love snowboarding. I would love to date and perhaps marry a man who was a lot better at it then I was, and had a passion for it like I do. that would help me to become better. If he wasn't a snowboarder, I think I would like somebody who was willing to give it a shot and stick with it till they got better (guys seem to have a penchant for picking up things like that). It wouldn't be a bad thing to make that a date or something, go snowboarding!
  
• At least a little Geek at heart - I'm a geek. I'll admit it. If I date a geek, I'm into that! If I date the type of guy who was all jock and no geek in high school, you know, the 'cool' guy, I think I would go nuts. I don't think we would get along (but maybe). I'm a geek! I like geeky things! If he has some geeky tendencies, all the better!
  
• Takes me for me - Insanity and all. Yes, I've got quirks up the yahoo, I do things that make myself squirm in frustration. There are a lot of things that I do that drive myself nuts. And unfortunately, no matter what I do, it looks like it ain't changing any time soon. So basically, this is a big factor. I know I got some problems, I want my guy to be the kind that will stick with me when I blow up and freak out and start talking to myself. Because, through and through, I'm still a girl. Damn it.

I may have missed a couple of spots, but that is my guy in a nutshell. Unfortunately, I hear that everyone's mr. right is hard to find. I'm sure he's out there somewhere.

Not that I'm some major hot chick with a killer body. I would like to think I'm fun, maybe a little to spontanious, and I have more then my fair share of 'blonde moments.'

Is this to much to ask for in a guy? Are there any guys out there like that? Or are they all taken?

Concerts and Life in General

Ok, got a line up of cool concert ideas, I think I would immensely enjoy Gary Jules, I'll just have to double check my work schedule for next monday.

I have also decided that I want to go to Whistler BlackComb this summer. I just have to find somebody to go with me.

I'm also fixing to buy a skateboard here in the not to distant future.

I keep seeing a lot of reasons why I really liked Bellingham. I still would love to move there. Not that Spokane is bad, I really like Spokane actually.

Can You Tell I'm Rather Bored???

Type your username with your:
nose: rswqw2hjn
elbow: risawn
chin: risawn
feet: riksawnj
eyes closed, one finger: rusawm
back of my hand: reoidsazewm
palm of my hand: frikdsaemn
mouse:risaq2jn
wrist: ridssewn

That's more of a LiveJournal thing, but its' still kind of interesting. and rather fun, in a bored clueless kind of way

Note:

I'm still suffering from personal dilemmas. This can't be good.

Late Night Musings

I really feel the need to pull a late nighter tonight. Just doing odds and ends and just goofing around. . .

I have to do another to do list too. I'l refrain from posting it. That surely must get old after a while.

My Live Journal is driving me nuts. Everytime i try to do something, I get a 'Page not available' message and have to refresh it to do anything, and therefore am constantly losing comments and postings and whatever else. I give up.

It's A Mad World

Just found out that Gary Jules is coming to Spokane in a couple of weeks, and tickets are ten dollars.

I think I found something affordable that I would like to attend. He blew me away with his rendition of Mad World. I'd like to see how the rest of his music compares.

In other news, have been in the thinking mood again as of late. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but really, when it comes to me nothing is really ever a good thing.

Most of it has to do with religion though. See, I was brought up believing in a particular religion and in a lot of ways it makes sense to me. But in other ways I am constantly finding myself questioning a lot about it. I usually kind of keep this buried deep inside of me, I don't want to dwell on it because of a lot of factors.

I guess I've been in denial that I'm in denial for about five or six years now. Ever since I was about seventeen. That's probably when I first really started to get depressed, and I mean seriously depressed. I don't know if there is any corolation (sp?) between my eternal questioning and my faith. I mean, really, something that has always bugged me is that no matter what, if you don't believe in a here after, what do you look forward too? Just disappearing so that in a hundred years after you die, your just another forgotten name in the eternal database of humanity? That used to terrify me, the thought that after all this is over with, I would just disappear and cease to exist.

I want to believe in something greater then myself. I mean, a lot of things are greater then myself, but I truly want to believe in something greater then us all, that all omniscient being called God. I have a lot of issues sometimes when trying to decide if there is actually a God, but I guess I've believed in God for a lot of reasons, one of the main reasons is it brings me some kind of comfort knowing that perhaps, maybe, this isn't all there is to it. I guess that's just one of the things that kept me chugging along.

That, and the fear that if there is an afterlife, I just blew it.

Evil Conservative Things

I have no desire to see The Day After Tomorrow, but now I have a reason too. I'm going to print out flyers and give them out to unsuspecting people.

Thoughts

My life is kind of drum dum right now. Not much going on other then work and then i lounge about the house for the rest of the day in an attempt to not spend any more money.

what should I honestly do with myself?

An Oath To Live By

I, Risawn, hereby promise to discourage anyone to view, think or talk about Anime and its cheap traits except when insulting it. I will help tell others about this website so they too can see the hate behind Anime. I hate Anime, and Anime hates me. I will be mocked, but I will fight back. Together, we will stand strong.

Um, added a link to the side. Because I hate anime. I always have, ever since I was little. Something about how their mouths move just really irks me and always have. . .

Elf Only Inn rocks.

Politics Makes Me VERY ANGRY!!!

I've noticed that when I get politically active, I only become angry. When I just kind of go with the flow, I'm just, you know, chillen'.

I find it important to keep up to date with current affairs around the world, but if it makes me angry, why do I make it a point to understand these?

Sounds like a double edged sword to me.

Book Collection Type Thingees

I have a small, slight obsession.

I like to collect books. Lately, after my small collection frenzy with trying to get all of the Death Gate Cycle in hardback (I have momentarily given up on this endeavor, only because I got two books that were the wrong size, but I'll get them again eventually).

My current collecting frenzy? Sluggy Freelance books. Becuase its such a hella long comic, I prefer to read them via book vs internet, and so far have found five of the eight books. But I don't know how long I'll be going about this. I lucked out and got book one off the website for the list price and easily got books seven and eight. The one's in the middle, er, this is going to be a bit harder. I guess i'll just have to wait until Plan Nine republishes them again. *waits*

Blog Question Type Things

> WARNING

Risawn is radioactive. Wear protective clothing at all times.

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

*snickers*

Yes, This is What This Blog is Named For. . .

I've got a downer coming, I can feel it now. I haven't had a real downer in a while, strange to think its my own actions that generally cause these downers, if there is any reason whatsoever to it. Sometimes, more often then not, I don't have a reason to be down.

Does there have to be a reason? Does it just come without invitation? I can't predict what my mood will be tomorrow. They say you're supposed to choose your attitude, that its all your own doing.

How can you choose your attitude when you can't control it?

Why am I such a bitch all the time?

I haven't had a serious downer since last october. Probably the most serious case all year last year. I need to kick my ass into gear and just find a way to get over it.

Off My Chest

Well, back from Seattle. Got a couple of things checked off my list, however must admit that I'm getting a little frustrated by some things. I actually loved Seattle, but loved in the same way that I love San Francisco. It's a cool city to visit from time to time, but never in a million years would I actually want to exist there on a continual basis.

I also learned that I am incompatable with some people. Which is kind of odd to say that now after I've known this specific person for over four years.

I also noted that somebody actually commented on one of my entries below, and I'm fearful of reading the comment on account that my BiPolar was speaking the day I posted that and I haven't had an opportunity of sending that particular post into the nonexistence of the anti archive.

edit - i broke down and read it anyway. It's just Bob. How you doing, Bob?

I did create a blog for my political outpouring, by the way, so I would stop stooping into my promise to not post anything political and posting political thoughts here that could be potentially offensive.

No, you don't get a URL, because the point of me posting there is its anonymous. And I doubt it will ever be anything big.

Plink Plink!

Went Plinking today. is always fun, and if you know what you're doing and not going in the middle of the night, its relatively safe too.

We tried to get an early start, but I ended up getting us lost at one point. Well, not technically lost, just kind of not in the direction we wanted to go.

Anyway, picked up some targets at Ace Hardware, they had peeps for free, so we set them up and shot at them. Fun stuff. I think I'm going to work on getting my Paint Ball gun working, I think I would have a lot of fun doing that.

Anyway, the pictures. . . I'm a sucker for photo evidence!


This is a 270 hunting rifle, and gives quite a kick. I'm amazed on how acurate it is, I don't think I ever shot it before but we pelted the targets and it showed. This thing goes through a quarter inch of steel as if it was pancake batter.


This is Emmet. Emmet is mine. I had to get the hang of loading the magazine, I kept screwing it up and cramming it to far in and jamming it. Emmet is surprisingly accurate, I'm happy that emmet is mine.


Another shot of me and Emmet, in the prone. Prone is fun. I need to work on my grip though, I was starting to get a little wobbly.


That is a very small gun. And I'm not a very good shot at it either.


I don't know why I decided to wear a cowboy hat, I just did. My Brother just bought this little bad boy, a 357 revolver, it gives quite a kick and I'm impressed that I actually hit the targets a couple of times.


This was one of our targets.

If you can't tell, I am an advocate of the 2nd amendment.

Bloomsday

Bloomsday Pictures are in.

And I'm still in pain. I need to go out and jog and loosen my muscles up, if they would let me.

Running Tomorrow

Running Bloomsday tomorrow. Somehow got into orange group and everyone I know is running green. *sighs*

I will be hurting monday.